Follow Your Heart

May 22, 2025

May 22, 2025: My first blog post was on 1/10/25, 3 days after the fire. I wrote it because I had a bunch of thoughts in my head and I needed to get them out. We just passed 4 months since the fire. Here is what caught my eye from my first blog on 1/10/25:

Thank you for pushing us out of our comfort zones; Thank you for helping us start a new adventure; Thank you for reinforcing what’s most important; Thank you for everyone who has reached out and has offered their homes, their connections, their time, their everything; Thank you for my kids who are so strong and supportive. As they have also lost their childhood home; and Thank you for my Sunshine. Who is my life partner and has been a rock through all of this. We shall endure my love.

Discomfort. Help. Reinforcement. Community. Strength. Future. Gratitude. Love.

“People say. Don't ever look behind. Happiness is just a state of mind
Rock and roll lives and breathes in the hearts of the young. So carry on
You're runnin' on borrowed time. Tryin' hard to survive. Keep on runnin'
Your time in comin'. Keep your dreams alive.”

I am at a different place than I was on 1/10. Literally. Emotionally. Time heals all wounds. I am not healed. But my ouch is less loud. So much has changed, but so much has stayed the same. One thing that has changed is I am writing this blog every week. The fire influenced me to blog. A jolt of inspiration. A jolt of need. I needed to get my stress out. I needed to express myself differently. Men bottle up stress and emotions. Ok “over- simplified, basic, self-analysis, generalization of the week.” But my friends are “mostly” like that. My male friends, at least. We keep our feelings in our heads and are way less expressive than women with our emotions. My high school friend, Kurt Unger wrote me, “Sure wish I could wear my heart on my sleeve like you do. Your self - awareness is truly amazing. You make me want to be a better person!” I’ll tell you what, it’s way easier (for me) to write out my emotions than to share them verbally with someone. Even though blogging shares my emotions with more people; it doesn’t feel that way. Vulnerability feels greater in person than on paper. Duh. My emotions are easier written than spoken. Maybe that’s why everyone texts now. It’s just an easier way to express ourselves. Better? Healthier? Hmm?

It’s been very rewarding for me to write and receive feedback. Thanks Kurt (and everyone). It’s hard to believe that I have over 20,000 followers since my first post. That’s because I don’t. I think it’s like 600 or so. Maybe if I incorporated “How to” posts into my blogs, I would get more views and shares. Like “How to make a good Ramen dish.” or “How to lose 10 pounds in a week.” I don’t know how to do either of those, but I can come up with something. People love “How to” stuff. Don’t they? “How to blog out your emotions and hit send.” You don’t even have to hit send. Just write out your thoughts and read them back to yourself. It saves me about $250 per hour in therapy. My blog has delivered $6,300 is saved therapy sessions, as well as some other unintended benefits.

#1 Connections: I get to stay connected to people (like Kurt), even though I have not seen him since 1981. People are concerned about post-fire Jeff. It’s very nice and rewarding. In 60 years, I’ve had the good fortune of meeting a lot of extraordinary people. It’s nice to hear from them through my blog. On Sunday, I ran into the extraordinary Stacy Gianassi. She jumped off of her “Fight Cancer Ride” to say hi. Our daughters played softball together 10 years ago.

I wish I had Stacy’s hair.

#2 Decision Making: I think blogging has helped my decision making. Writing gives me the room/time to think. I’m pretty much a shoot from the hip decision maker. My brother - in - law Brad always jokes that I bought my Tesla online without test driving it. Which is true. But I really don’t care that much about cars. And I wanted something electric and SUV’ish. It was the only option in 2021. Why test drive? People used to like Tesla and rave about it before Elon went MuskratNoLove on us. When you put something out there you have more of a tendency to stick with it. To commit. I blog about trying to stay positive during challenging times. When I write it, I makes me believe it. Maybe that’s why they say you should write down your goals? Which I don’t do. Joe used to say, “Goals without timelines are only dreams.” I say, “Why test drive when you suck at tests?” I didn’t even pass my last urine test. Brad, go test drive away. And wear an Elon jersey while you are at it.

“Follow your heart (you got to follow your heart). Living for today, forget about tomorrow. Follow your heart (you got to follow your heart). Any other way will only lead to sorrow. Don't wait any longer. Follow your heart.”

#3 Left Brain vs. Right Brain: I never know which side is which. But I am right -handed, so I am guessing I am more right brain. Actually, from the chart, I think I am more left brain. Confusing. So, blogging seems to activate my right brain characteristics. And I’m guessing that’s a good thing as I get older. Exercising the side of the brain that I don’t use as much can’t be a bad thing. However, I am forgetting things more and more. Someone once told me, “Two things happen when you get older. First, your joints start to ache, and second, I forgot the second thing.” Do you ever see someone in a store and run away because you know them way too well to have forgotten their name? That’s why I only shop on Amazon. I’m afraid to run into “What’s his name?” There should be an accepted term or behavior where you “know” them, but you “brain - farted” their name. It should be a common etiquette that automatically provides forgetful acceptance as we age. In fact, they should be required to embrace our forgetfulness. When it happens to me, I just say “HEYYY…..” way too long; with way too much excitement; and with an awkward hug. One time I did the HEY with a HUG to a distant friend, and she said, “You don’t know who I am do you?” I immediately thought, why didn’t I just go on Amazon?

Awkward Hug Demo

We had Mother’s Day at Myrtle. We didn’t travel this week. I wasn’t officiating a wedding. No tsunami yet. It almost felt like a normal week. Honestly, I still feel like I am waking up in the Renfro’s house. I wake up and think, “I wonder what Robin is cooking us for breakfast?” Or “Does John want to go take an ocean plunge today?” When I wake up, I feel like I am a guest in my own house. I know it’s still part of the grieving process. I know (hope) it will feel like our house one day. Don’t get me wrong, it feels good. Just not normal good. That’s ok. Still grateful. Still lucky. But when you grieve you yearn for normal. Cuzzz. Manders. Dean. Luke. Debbie. Brandon. Danielle. My normal won’t take as long as theirs. But I know a good yearn for normal when I feel it. I feel it. I hope. When we grieve, we all hope for normal. But it will never be the same again. Onward!

I love USAA. Stu came through. My sock inventory spreadsheet worked. For now on I am numbering all my socks and underwear just in case of the tsunami. Seriously, USAA is the best. We are fortunate and grateful to have them on our side. Quick USAA story. A year or so before the fire I came home from a trip to find out all of our USAA policies were cancelled. I was paying my premiums, but for some reason (probably my fault) one payment was late about a year prior. So this meant all subsequent payments were classified late. Which means you are cancelled by USAA. WTF? I got mad. We were members for almost 30 years and they auto cancel all my policies? When I called, USAA immediately reinstated them, except for my Homeowners Policy. USAA was no longer insuring homes in my area. They said it was because we were in a “fire zone.” Really? A fire zone? You guys are fools. There is no way my house is going to burn down. Whoops. So I searched for a new provider. Nope. Nope. And nope. Nobody would insure 1057. I was F’d. I wrote an email to Wayne Peacock, the CEO of USAA. I explained I was late on one payment; had made all other payments on time for almost 30 years; and it was just a mistake. How could they cancel a member after 30 years by making one late payment? It appeared like they were cancelling my insurance because of a technicality. Wayne’s World reinstated me. 10 months later 1057 burned down. 120 days after the fire, USAA paid all of our policy limits. And just this week, they did a pro-rata annual review of our limits as of 1/7/25 and approved a retroactive increase. No joke. I can’t imagine any other insurance company doing that. USAA is the best company in the world. If you are in a military family (spouse, children, or ex), switch to them immediately. Here is the qualification link page. Thank you Ron Malkin for your service. Thank you USAA. Thank you Wayne’s World.

“Plays for keeps. And try to never lose. Live it fast but live the life you choose
Rock and roll lives and breathes in the hearts of the young. So let it ride. Each time you roll the dice. Luck will finally arrive. Keep on runnin'. Your time is comin'. Keep your dreams alive.”

Life’s Essential Questions:

#2 When was a time you led with your heart rather than your head? Why and how did that change your life?

I went to Chipotle yesterday and held the door open for a Police Officer. He then didn’t want to go ahead of me in the order line because I held the door open for him and I would have been ahead of him otherwise. So I went ahead. I then decided to buy his lunch and continue to pay it forward. After he realized I bought him lunch, he said, “Thank you so much. You didn’t have to do that.” I replied, “Thank you for your service.” I’m not 100% sure if that is what Rabbi Leder means by “Heart over Head” but the Police Officer said something meaningful. He said, “You didn’t have to do that.” That got me thinking. One of leading with your heart’s main principles is that you “Don’t have to do that.” But you do it anyway. Your heart prevails.

USAA is a company that leads with its heart. Their mission is to empower members to achieve financial security. Their members come first. I’m a believer. What are other companies that come to mind that lead with their heart, rather than their share price? Teslut? NOT. I know. I need to sell my Tesla. Fuck.

Stephanie Klasky Gamer is the CEO of LA Family Housing. Under her leadership, LA Family Housing has transformed into one of the region’s largest homeless service providers and a premier developer of environmentally sustainable affordable housing in Southern California. Stephanie has dedicated her life to homeless issues. A heartfelt problem. Stephanie is a close family friend and the first person I thought of when I read the heart vs. head question. Talk about walking the talk or talking the walk. She can teach a class on leading with heart. My heart beats strong. But it doesn’t compare to Stephanie’s day to day leadership. I’m grateful to know her. If you feel inspired, support LA Family Housing. Show your heart.

Joe Kaplan led with his heart. He was the person where I observed heart-led leadership first - hand. Joe cared about his employees. He was a tough, decisive leader, but he cared. He called you out. He was direct with his criticism. He was fair. He was generous. He balanced employees, customers, and shareholders better than anyone I have ever met, and probably ever will. He made me feel accountable and safe. He made me feel part of something bigger. One of the most difficult decisions I ever had to make was leaving him to become CEO of PCIHIPAA, the Company I founded with River Cohen and Brian Sachs in 2015.

I had just turned 50. It was my turn to lead. Joe had taught me enough. I stole Joe’s greatest hits and made them my own. Without the prior 12 years, I would not have learned what leading with heart really meant. And Brian and River would not have trusted me with leading our Company. The #1 proof point IF you are leading with your heart is “Loyalty.” When you care; people care. When you care about employees, they care about you. When you care about customers, they tell others about your Company. When you focus on shareholders only, employees and customers know. Loyalty slows. At Intuit, the formula was start by creating a great place to work for employees. If you do that right, then customers will feel it and become loyal and recommend Intuit’s products and services. When the fly wheel starts humming, the byproduct will be more revenue, greater profitability, and happy shareholders. Happy shareholders are the byproduct of happy employees and happy customers. Not the other way around.

I had the opportunity to lead PCIHIPAA from 2015 until we sold the Company in 2022. 7 years of ups and downs. 7 years of wins and losses. 7 years of rights and wrongs. I had them all. I wasn’t Joe. I wasn’t Stephanie. I was me. These are the Core Values that eventually drove all of our decisions.

ACE: Every interaction is an opportunity to create an Amazing Customer Experience.

TEAMWORK: We communicate and collaborate as a Championship Team. Teamwork makes the dream work.

IMPROVEMENT: We have a commitment to excellence every day. We will not settle.

GROWTH: We set goals and work on what matters most. If we’re not growing, we’re failing.

COMMUNITY: We care and give back to help those in need; internally and externally.

Our Core Values were created by the Company, not me. We collaborated on them. I prioritized defining our Core Values when I realized our Company culture was failing. We had little heart. I was late to the game. It was a big mistake (by me) to wait to define our Core Values. It cost us time, money, and most importantly, loyalty. Better late than never. Luckily, we turned it around.

“Oh, listen to the rhythm. Your heart won't lie. Rock and roll hearts
Just never die, never die.”

On March 1, 2022. We sold the Company. I termed that day, “Trophy Day.” We won the trophy. Not everyone is fortunate enough to sell their Company. Not every company gets rewarded for their hard work. We did. The pay day (“Trophy”) is the physical reminder of our hard work. Our journey. I will always have that reminder. On Trophy Day, we also shared the reminder with all of our employees. Every employee woke up that day thinking it was just another day at the office. River, Brian and I met with every employee individually and presented them between (1 ) week to (1) year’s salary (based on tenure). Their Trophy. Seeing everyone’s surprise and gratitude was life changing for us. It was one of the most rewarding days of my life. I will remember Trophy Day forever. Here’s a short video of Trophy Day.

Marty Bolkin, our CFO passed away from Covid before Trophy Day. We presented his trophy to his wife Sharon (above). RIP Marty.

98% of our employees were grateful. However, I learned that even when you think you led from the heart, not everyone will feel it. There will always be that 2% that feels you let them down. It’s difficult to solve for everyone. It’s also difficult not to dwell on the 2%. 98% isn’t that bad. Coincidentally, this week I received a text from one of our employees. Jami wrote, “PCIHIPAA was by far the best experience, career wise, of my life.” It was another proof point that “loyalty” is the outcome of real heart over head leadership. Another reminder that leading with your heart really matters. It has made a significant difference in my life (and others). And every time I run into a PCIHIPAA employee, I will always remember our journey; I will always remember Trophy Day; and I will always remember

to shop at Amazon. “HEYYY”

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