I Remember You

May 29, 2025: Happy Memorial Day. I always love honoring our troops. But this year it means more to me because of my fondness for USAA. My father in law served and I married into his family. So I was able to become a USAA member. When I was growing up in the 60’s and 70’s, I remember my Mom being scared that I would be called up for duty. I think it was for the Vietnam war, but I was too young. I was born in 1964. The war ended in 1975, so I don’t think a 10 year old would have helped much. I sometimes wonder what it would have been like to be called up for duty. During those years I had nice wavy hair. I probably wouldn’t have liked the hair cut. I was husky as a young boy. I probably would have also struggled with pull ups. I remember in elementary school being embarrassed that I couldn’t do a pull up. I could hit a baseball, but I couldn’t do a pull up. Too many Pup and Taco runs. That was the drive thru where my Mom used to take my sister and I to get hot dogs and tacos. What a combo. I’d get 2 hot dogs, a taco, and fries. Husky. “Mom, can I please also add a vanilla shake?” Very husky. No pull ups for you.

“Woke up to the sound of pouring rain. The wind would whisper and I'd think of you.
And all the tears you cried, that called my name. And when you needed me I came through. I paint a picture of the days gone by. When love went blind and you would make me see. I'd stare a lifetime into your eyes. So that I knew you were there for me, Time after time, you were there for me.”

In the movie Full Metal Jacket, Pyle couldn’t pull himself up the wall. I related to Pyle. Husky Pyle. I remember he took a jelly donut out of the mess hall and got caught by Sergeant Hartman. I remember one night I fell asleep with one of the big bags of M@M’s that I snuck into bed. They melted all over my pillow. Sergeant Stan (Dad) wasn’t too happy with my behavior. Sergeant Judi felt bad for me and drove me through Pup and Taco the next day. Maybe not her best discipline strategy. I most likely would not have been the best recruit. I don’t really enjoy, haircuts, pull ups, folding clothes, or running and singing in a line. I do like jelly donuts though. But I prefer an apple fritter. Happy Memorial Day! And thank you for your service.

Last year (hard to believe) we visited Vietnam. One of the most memorable days of the trip was when we visited the Cu Chi Tunnels. I remember thinking our troops never had a chance. They had no idea about the Tunnels. They had no idea what they were up against. Our tour guide shared that he toured many American Vietnam vets through the tunnels. Here is what he said they were most surprised about when they returned to the Chu Chi Tunnels:

1. 4,800 people lived in the tunnels at any one time;

2. The wore their sandles backwards to confuse the enemy;

3. They had kitchens below;

4. The tunnels were 3 levels deep.

The Tunnels were low tech with a high impact. Survival of the fittest. When you are living day to day to just survive, you have to get creative. At the Tunnels, I remember feeling empathy for our troops and respect for the Vietnamese people. It was a memorable day.

“Remember yesterday, walking hand in hand. Love letters in the sand, I remember you.
Through the sleepless nights, through every endless day, I'd wanna hear you say, I remember you.”

Sometimes I think about how technology has eliminated certain skill sets that I grew up with. Do kids even learn the multiplication tables anymore because of calculators. If so, why? I could twirl a vinyl album with the best of them. It was a skill you needed to impress your dates. Side one coming to an end. Get up. Lift off. Twirl. Replace. Get ready for side two. Low tech. High impact. I’ve been seeing a bunch of Waymos on the road lately. They are the self driving cars. I could never have imagined that I’d see cars driving by themselves. That’s some Jetson’s - type shit. So will my grandkids ever drive a car? My kids never flipped an album. And what about the AI robots coming to a household near you. No more laundry folding. No more lawn mowing. No more bed making. No more trash bag removing. How are my grandkids going to earn allowance money? “Hey, Albie, here’s $5 can you please oil the robot. “Hey Mavi, here’s .0000002 bitcoin, can you please walk the AI talking dog. His charger is in the Nvidia chip room.” Yes, Albie and Mavi are projected to be the most popular boy and girl names 20 years from now. Oh, and the AI dog’s name is Lenzy. Sit Lenzy. Rollover Lenzy. Give me the over/under on the Rams vs. Saints game, Lenzy.

I always had to ask my friends to pay me back. I had to say things like, “Hey Elliot, remember the hot dog and fudgsicle I bought you yesterday? You owe me $3.75.” Today, my kids Venmo request. Venmo request makes it too easy to ask. Everyone’s Venmo requesting for everything. “Hey, I paid for dinner last night.” Venmo request. “Hey, those beers were expensive.” Venmo request. “Hey, I bought 2 ply toilet paper.” Venmo request. Are Venmo requests making us all less giving? Is this another example of technology chipping away from our humanity? Did you really have to Venmo request for that? Just buy Elliot the hot dog next time. Is it really going to change your life? Won’t it all just even out over time? If not, get new friends. “Jeff, that’s easy for you to say. My budget is way tighter than yours.” I understand. But just think before you Venmo request. I remember thinking twice before asking my friends for immaterial reimbursements. It feels good to be generous. Buy your friends some 2 ply, and feel the love.

I know. This all sounds like Dad talk. Generational observations. I especially feel the generational differences during life event stages. The circle of life arcs. I’m in the “Friend’s Kids Are Getting Married (or Engaged)” arc. Ryan and Andie (Mark and Stacey); Derek and Laura (Sheryl and Steve) Victoria and Brandon (Joe and Judi); Emily and Ethan (Laura and Dan); Eva and Zach (Gary and Ariel); Tanner and Talia (Rob and #5); Sam and Jack (Mark and Sheryl); and just this week Lo and Chase (Mark and Vicki with an “i”). Circle. Life. Arc. Love.

“We spend the summer with the top rolled down, Wished ever after would be like this.
You said "I love you babe," without a sound. I said I'd give my life for just one kiss.
I'd live for your smile, and die for your kiss.”

This life arc is especially rewarding because I remember my wedding. I remember going to my friend’s weddings. At Lo and Chase’s wedding this weekend, I was reminiscing about being at Mark and Vicki with an “i”s wedding 30+ years ago. I was single. No date. I was over served. No breathalyzer. So, I decided to follow the photographer around and pose in every table picture. No bueno. Oh well? Sorry.

Life’s Essential Questions:

#9. How do you want to be remembered?

Well, I don’t want to be remembered as the guy that was in every table picture at the Silverman wedding. This weekend’s wedding was especially memorable. Why? Vicki with an “i” and Mark are some of our closest friends. I’ve known their kids Chase and Coco their entire lives. Marriage is a key arc in the circle of life. Birth. Grade School. Friends. Sports and Hobbies. College. Career. Marriage. Kids. Repeat. I’m in the “Repeat” stage and I love it. I’m the lucky one. I’ve experienced all the arcs. I’m experiencing life. Now, I’m seeing my best friend’s kids go through it. It’s their turn. Jeff, stay away from the photographer. I learned a lot this weekend. I learned a lot of what it means to create memories. How I want to be remembered. And how to help make that happen.

The weekend was hosted by Lo’s (bride) parents, Lloyd and Deb. I don’t know them, but left the weekend feeling like I know them. That’s one learning about how I want to be remembered. Lloyd and Deb have a gift of making everyone feeling part of their arc. Their daughter’s wedding. Yes, they have the means to be generous and the means to be creative with their generosity. And don’t get me wrong, I will remember the 1942 Snow Cone Bar. My ice cream man didn’t serve this growing up.

However, it wasn’t “what” food they served; “what” location they served it in; or “what” clothes they were wearing. It was “how” they made everyone feel. I felt part of their family. Lloyd and Deb made everyone feel part of the family. Everyone felt as one. We were one group participating in their life arc. I will always associate them with that feeling. I want to make people feel that way. We are one. No one is more or less important than the next. Let’s celebrate life together.

During the ceremony the Rabbi said that the most important quality to having a sustainable relationship is “kindness.” Be kind to each other. I can tell you after my house burned down, I have less patience for other people’s anger. Most the issues people fight over are ridiculous. Why? Boredom. Depression. Sickness. History. Who knows? I know life happens and not everyday is perfect. However, kindness as a state of being sounds better than anger. Run from angry people. They most likely won’t change. It grows deep inside. Seek kindness. Be kind. Thank you Rabbi. Nice hair by the way.

“We've had our share of hard times, But that's the price we paid.
And through it all, we kept the promise that we made. I swear you'll never be lonely.”

I have a passion for helping people. I want to help them document their memories and life lessons, so they can be passed on. I have a passion for helping people prepare for the unexpected, so their loved ones will be less burdened. I have a passion for helping families talk about and plan for the inevitable, so the inevitable can be a little less painful. It’s called The Folder.

“Woke up to the sound of pouring rain, Washed away a dream of you.
But nothing else could ever take you away, 'Cause you'll always be my dream come true, Oh my darling, I love you!”

One of my favorite quotes is from Maya Angelo, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." I will remember Lloyd and Deb and how they made everyone feel. I will remember Chase getting married, Coco’s awesome tribute, and my besties Mark and Vicki with an “i”, smiling and laughing all weekend with friends and family. The most memorable moments in life are shared with the people you love. If I picture myself on my death bed, my thoughts will be consumed by memories and how I hope others will remember me. What I learned this weekend is my memories will be enhanced, and are a direct correlation, with how I make people feel. Every action has a reaction. My actions will define how I will be remembered. Kind. Generous. Loving. Funny. Spiritual. I will only be remembered by my “hows.” I want to be remembered by my “hows.” How I live my life. How I make my memories. How I make people feel.

“Remember yesterday, walking hand in hand. Love letters in the sand, I remember you.
Through the sleepless nights, through every endless day. I'd wanna hear you say,
I remember. I remember you. ohhh uhhh yeah!”

Two nights ago it was my sister- in - law Amy’s 60th birthday. We went around the table and said, “Why we were glad she was born…” The reasons were defined by her “hows.” Loving Mom. Devoted Wife and Sister. An Aunt Supreme. Amy’s “hows” were reflected in our tributes. It was a snapshot of how she will be remembered. I wanted to make sure Amy felt the love on her birthday, so I bought her a special drink. A drink to create a memory.

“Thanks Brad”