I Want To Know What Love Is

May 15, 2025: Happy Mother’s Day on last Sunday to all the Mom’s out there. Muthas make the world go round. Wendy has hosted Mother’s Day for her family since I can remember. Our preferred menu was a taco truck on the patio at 1057. It always seemed to be perfect weather, perfect people, and perfect margaritas. Mainly because I was bartending and I know what I like. This year was different. Wendy hosted. Perfect people. Perfect weather. Different place. Different menu. We started earlier so maybe that’s why I didn’t pull out the blender. Or maybe it was because we no longer have “the blender.” It was different. But a good different. The perfect people made the perfect difference. They put the “familia” in familiarity. A familiarity which we needed on this Mother’s Day.

Everyone looking like they can use some egg souffle and a bagel.

I like good different. It feels like progress. Mother’s Day felt like progress. Bye - bye patio, hello roof top. Familiar. Bye - bye taco truck, hello deli trays. Familiar. Bye - bye margaritas, hello “How can you forget to buy a blender when you already replaced the Cuisinart?” Unfamiliar. Happy Mother’s Day everyone. Very, very, familiar.

“I've gotta take a little time. A little time to think things over. I better read between the lines. In case I need it when I'm older. Now this mountain I must climb. Feels like the world upon my shoulders. Through the clouds, I see love shine. It keeps me warm as life grows colder.”

I called my sister Jackie on Mother’s Day and we had a nice chat about Mom. She really made me laugh. I asked her what she was doing and she told me about her plans. Then she said, “I almost told you that I was going to the cemetery to visit Mom.” I laughed out loud. I know what you’re thinking, “Jeff, why is that funny?” Jewish guilt. I don’t do optional cemetery visits. It’s just not my thing. I can remember my parents without the traffic; expensive flowers; and washing my hands on the way out, only to put them back on my dirty steering wheel. My Mom was the opposite. She loved a good cemetery visit. It was like her DisneyDeadLand. Jackie and I decided we will pay my parents a visit on one of their birthdays. Hopefully, she wants to go on my Dad’s birthday, because it isn’t until next March. Mom’s is in August. In August, it may be vey hot at DisneyDeadLand. Can’t wait to go see Mom, Dad, and DonaldDeadDuck. Are we supposed to still celebrate birthdays after people die? I always think it’s weird to hear, “My Mom would have been 108 today.” Happy Mother’s Day Mom. I miss you. I love you.

Mother’s make the world go round. Without moms there are no kids. Without love there are no moms. Or at least a lot less moms. I know there are many ways for moms to have kids without love. I’ve not shaming loveless moms. I’m just saying love is helpful to make moms. But it seems like love is getting lost. What’s happening to love? That’s my real point. Quick research: In 1960, 82% of the people aged 25 to 34 were married. Maybe not in love, but married. Today, for men, it is under 50% and right around 50% for women. In China, it is closer to 30%. Maybe because of the tariffs? Trump’s new “Love Tariff.” This is all leading to less Mother’s Day celebrations around the world. Less love around the world. But love makes the world go round? Why is love getting lost as a pursuit of happiness. Wasn’t it proven that happiness is defined by deep personal relationships? I sound like an episode of Sex In The City. Cue the theme song. But why Sarah Jessica Parker? Why Carrie Bradshaw? Why?

“In my life, there's been heartache and pain. I don't know if I can face it again
Can't stop now, I've traveled so far to change this lonely life. I wanna know what love is, I want you to show me. I wanna feel what love is, I know you can show me.”

I’m 60. My parents were married for over 50 years. My grandparents were married 170 years. Wendy’s parents, Ron and Goog, have been married forever. Wendy’s Aunt Merkie was married her entire life to Ivan until he passed away. My Aunt Annette and Uncle Sandy still married. Still in love. All Wendy’s cousins and sisters have been married 20 to 30+ years. My sister has been married over 20 years. To say I am not biased by the institution of marriage would be an understatement. I love, love. But I’m also probably biased because of my up bringing and experiences. No doubt. So why does love seem to be fading? I can ChatGPT it, but that would be AI bias, not my bias. I don’t AI this blog. I make it up. My #1 belief why less people are married today is because more people divorce. That wasn’t meant to be funny. But it kinda sounds funny. I’m not shaming divorce. My Dad always told me, “If the bad days start out numbering the good days, then you should get out.” I don’t think he meant in a week. He meant give it some time. But once there has been enough time, if patterns don’t change, then they probably won’t. So these days people divorce. It’s ok to divorce. It’s often the right thing for both people. In 1960, it wasn’t normal. We have evolved over the last 65 years. When parents divorce, kids see love differently. How could they not? They see it’s hard. They see it’s real. They see it evolves. They see it may not work. And they sometimes see it isn’t worth going through what their parents went through. So marriage (and love) becomes less of a priority. And individualism takes its place. It’s my main hypothesis to my marriage book and I’ll stick with it. Kids are influenced by their parents. Like it or not. We all are.

I'm gonna take a little time. A little time to look around me. I've got nowhere left to hide. It looks like love has finally found me. In my life, there's been heartache and pain. I don't know if I can face it again. I can't stop now, I've traveled so far to change this lonely life.

I know love is down because of social media, financial strains, and an overall trend towards isolationism. I’m not sure AI robots are going to help this trend. In fact, I’m pretty sure AI is not helping. And once we hit a certain age, our friend group takes over as major life influencers. Herd mentality. I remember when my good friends, Gary and Ariel, got engaged. Rosey, Mr. Romantic, proposed at the Coliseum Rose Garden before a UCLA vs. USC football game. It was genius. Gary had Ariel plan her own tailgate engagement party, and she didn’t even know it. That’s love. Once Gary made the move, I saw others fall in line. Into the love line. Kaplan, Schoenfeld, Silverman, Doctor, Lowy, Markus, Leshgold, Blau, Frey (Frey was always after Blau), Kingsdale (Happy 30th), Broudy and Galloway. Friends influencing friends. Friends spreading love. Follow the leader. That was mostly in the 90’s. Since then, love is down, but my hope is up. My hope is love will never die, it just needs some love. Love needs some love. I still see the love. It’s all around us.

Life’s 12 Essential Questions:

#7: What is love?

On Saturday I had the honor of officiating the wedding of Brandon Kaplan and Victoria Manley. Brandon is Joe’s son. If you’ve read my blogs you already know the impact that Joe had on my life and how much he’s missed. I spoke at Joe’s funeral. It’s where Rabbi Leder cut me off. He’s the author of The 12 Essential Questions that I’ve been writing about. Since Joe’s death, I’ve always felt that I wasn’t there enough for Brandon and Danielle (Joe’s kids). It’s not like I was a major part of the family. It’s not like I felt I needed to play the Joe role. Nobody could. But Brandon and I would go to lunch a few times a year to catch up. And whenever I left, I always asked myself, “Should I be doing more for Brandon? What would Joe want?” I kinda let my relationship with Brandon (post Joe) happen organically. So when Brandon asked me to officiate his wedding. I cried. We both cried. It was an instinctive emotional release that I had done right by Joe. Even though I could hear Joe say, “Why’d you pick Broudy? Was the Amazon Delivery Guy not available? Broudy, don’t screw this up.” Tough love is still love.

Me and Cardboard Joe at the wedding.

43 years after Joe and I met at UCLA, I was officiating his son’s wedding. Brandon’s Mom Judi walked him down the aisle. Happy Mom and a great Mom to (2) great kids. Influencing love. Ironically, I was at Joe and Judi’s wedding. Judi and Joe taught Brandon how to love. They influenced him. I saw it. I felt the love between Brandon and Victoria. Everyone felt it. It was obvious. But what is it? What is love?

“I wanna know what love is, I want you to show me. I wanna feel what love is, I know you can show me. I wanna know what love is, I want you to show me. (And I wanna feel) I wanna feel what love is. (And I know) I know you can show me.”

I’m no marriage counselor. I’m no love guru. But I am now legally qualified to officiate weddings. You can go to my website “www.sayidobro.com”

I got my Ministry and AARP cards as a bundle. I’m in a loving relationship. I love my kids. I love my family. I love my friends. I love Baskin Robbins. So what is love? Everyone has a different definition of love because we are all different. But here’s my love analysis. My definition (s) of love really hit me after my good friend Craig Markus passed away. I realized when I was with Craig, unknowingly for the last time, I told him I loved him, but I never told him why. “I love you brother. I’ll give you a call next week to check in and see how you’re doing.” I said lovingly. But I never got a chance to check in. Then it hit me after Craig died. I was thinking about how much I will miss him. And I regretted that I never told him “Why.” I never told him “Why” I loved him. That’s my definition of love. It’s the “Why.” The real definition of love is found in the “Why.”

I love you Sunshine. Why? Because you make me laugh and you drive me crazy. I love you because you’ve been my biggest supporter for 30 years. I love you because you’re an amazing Mom to Julia and Reid. I love you because your loyalty to me (and our friends, and family) is your Super Power. When we first met, my “Whys” were different. For one, we didn’t have kids. I loved your eyes. I loved the way I felt when your eyes looked into mine. I loved your touch. I loved your smile. I still do. But my point is the definition of love changes. Our “Whys” change.

“Let's talk about love (I wanna know what love is). Love that you feel inside (I want you to show me). And I'm feeling so much love (I wanna feel what love is). No, you just cannot hide (I know you can show me). Oh, oh. I wanna know what love is (let's talk about love). I know you can show me. I wanna feel it too (I want to feel what love is). I wanna feel it too.

I love Markus because he was up for anything; was fun; and he was one of the most creative people I ever met. I love Joe because he taught me how to win in business; he cared for everyone including me and my entire family; and he was an amazing leader of leaders. I love Baskin Robbins because ice cream is my metaphor for a fun-filled (and tasty) life. Everyone’s happy when eating ice cream. I love Dodger Stadium because it reminds me of my childhood and it was my Dad’s happy place. It’s become our happy place (except for the traffic). I love Julia and Reid because I’m proud of them; we laugh at (and with) each other; and being together never gets old. My definition of love? It’s all there. It’s all in my “Whys.”

I wish I told Markus why I loved him. I wish I told Joe. I wish I told my parents. I did say, “I love you,” but I really didn’t explain why. I didn’t explain the reasons for my love. I’m going to do a better job of expressing my “Whys.” My loved ones should know. I’ll start now.

Brandon, I love you because you and Victoria trusted me with your wedding ceremony; you’re the son of one of the most influential people in my life; and I know you love me because you lifted your right foot when we embraced under the Chuppah.

“And I know, and I know, I know you can show me. (Show me that it's real, yeah) I want to know what love is I wanna know, oh, oh (I want you to show me)I wanna know, I wanna know, I wanna know (I wanna feel what love is). I wanna feel.

Next time you say, “I love you,” add “because”, and tell them “Why.” Know your “Whys.” Communicate your “Whys” and maybe your love will go deeper. Maybe your love will be re-energized. Maybe your love will become everlasting. And for those still searching for love, don’t give up. Don’t go into isolation. Try not to get discouraged. It’s worth it. Life is a journey, not a destination. Enjoy the journey to find your love. You ask, “Why?”

I say “Why Knot?”