I Write The Songs
When I wrote my first blog, I had been playing, “Burning Down The House,” by The Talking Heads right after the fires. It was my distorted way of dealing with the fires. The song also inspired my first blog. It gave me the idea that whatever I was thinking that week, that day, that minute, is probably already written in a song. We may have no experience that hasn’t already been turned into a song. There are a lot of songs out there. Just this week:
I caught up with my old friend Jude - “Hey Jude”
My friend Brian got married - “We All Fall In Love Sometimes”
I didn’t know Lowy was sleeping over Saturday night - “Communication Breakdown”
Have a thought. There’s a song. Go on a trip. There’s a song. Write a blog. There’s a song. Write a song. There’s a song.
This week is in honor of Barry Manilow Markus.
“I've been alive forever. And I wrote the very first song. I put the words and the melodies together. I am music, and I write the songs.”
I’m a C.P.A. by trade. I graduated UCLA in 1986 and, like many, I didn’t know what I was going to do with my life. I knew my Mom wanted me to be a doctor, lawyer, or an accountant. I was really good at math and really bad at English and reading. So I decided to become a C.P.A. My first job out of college was working for Touche Ross. It was one of the Big Eight accounting firms when there were eight. Now there are 4. I was on the journey to become a C.P.A. because I knew my Mom would enjoy telling her friends that her son was a C.P.A. So I put on a suit everyday and either drove to downtown LA or worked onsite at the company they assigned me to audit. It took me about a month to learn how to use a 10 - key. That’s the adding machine we used where the paper comes out the top with numbers after numbers after numbers. My salary was $20,500 per year. Just under $10 per hour. That was $6 more per hour than I had made at Baskin Robbins. Huge raise. To make it even more exciting, the Company offered to pay for me to get my Masters in Business Taxation at USC. It was 10 courses over a two year period and I’d have a Masters in Business Taxation. I could hardly wait. Not. I could hear my Mom at the pan table (the Jewish gin rummy) bragging to her friends about her son’s Masters. Even though I hated USC; didn’t love taxes; and had to study at night and weekends; I enrolled. 14 months later I was 8 courses in, with only 2 to go, I quit and took a standup comedy course instead. My song, “Hit the Road Jack Jeff.”
After I did my stint at Touche Ross and didn’t finish my Masters in Taxconstipation, my fraternity brother Adam set me up with a business management firm that had a music division. Hmmmm? C.P.A. + Musicians = Good Career Move. I was 24 and working with Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers, Michael McDonald, Richard Marx, R.E.M’s Producer and others. If I was going to do accounting, it’s not a bad gig doing it for musicians. Especially when they’d say, “Meet me at my office.” Their offices were located at The Greek, The Forum, and Universal Amphitheater. “Hi, my name’s Jeff. I’m here for Howie Epstein. He asked me to stop by before the show so he could sign some mortgage loan documents.” I said as Tom Petty gently opened the Universal Amphitheater backstage door. “I thought you were the cops.” I remember Tom saying as he exhaled on a joint and offered me a hit. My song, “Everybody Must Get Stoned (Rainy Day Woman).”
“I write the songs that make the whole world sing. I write the songs of love and special things. I write the songs that make the young girls cry. I write the songs, I write the songs.”
Wendy, Dave, Steph and I went to Tom’s last show at the Hollywood Bowl before he died. That was in 2017. I remember that show like it was yesterday. TP and The Heartbreakers is the band I have seen most often, and one of my favorites. I’m biased because I was close with The Heartbreakers, especially Stan Lynch, Benmont Tench and Howie Epstein. I know, it’s not nice to name drop, Bobby Dinero taught me that. I remember I joined the business management firm only a couple years after Tom Petty’s house burned down in Encino. Encino is located right in the middle of Ampere (my 1st house) and 1057 (#7) It was arson and they never caught the fucker. I remember him losing most of his guitars, pictures, albums, etc. I can relate. Tom’s song, “I Won’t Back Down.” He wrote it about the fire. The Arsonist. The Fucker.
Fire Update: I got this lovely piece of mail this week. It’s so fantastic to be informed by the Fired Department that there will be NO changes to the 2025 Brush Clearance Program.
What does this even mean? Good news I don’t have to clear any burnt brush that may be still standing on my lot. This week, I also received a letter from LA Building and Safety that I am required to remove my debris or they will do it for me. Not for free. And that I’d have to fill out a bunch of forms to tell them why I hadn’t started, or why I need an extension. I’m going to send them a letter back asking them why the reservoir wasn’t working and why the Mayor was on vacation. This week the debris removal process got started. Smile 1057 remains. Goodbye 1057 remains.
I left the pool just in case anyone wants to take a swim. Actually, I just learned I am required to fence off the pool or my lot for safety reasons. I get it. I wouldn’t want the coyotes to fall in the empty pool. We need them to roam the neighborhood looking for cats and dogs to eat, but they can’t find, because there are no longer pets in our neighborhood. A fence it is.
My first concert was Pat Benatar at the Forum. Then I saw Journey and Loverboy and I was hooked on live music. I’m proud to have passed along the love of live music to my kids. There is nothing like going to a concert with your friends and family. Music makes the world go round. Some of the most memorable days of my life were live shows. Just this week a group of us headed to The Greek Theater to see Jason Bonham’s Led Zeppelin Experience.
Jason is John Bonham’s son. The original drummer for Led Zeppelin. His dad died when he was a kid after consuming about 40 shots of vodka. Not sure what brand. He was only 32. His song, “Only The Good Die Young.” At the concert, Jason did one of the, “My Dad would have been 77 today,” tributes. His dad died 45 years ago and his son is playing his songs at The Greek. That’s pretty cool. Like father like son. Everyone, “Cats in the cradle… When you coming home Dad I don’t know when...” Never. Too many shots last night. Sorry.
“My home lies deep within you. And I've got my own place in your soul
Now when I look out through your eyes. I'm young again, even though I'm very old.”
I got to pay tribute to my Dad with my sister Jackie, my nephew Brady and Chayim at the Dodger game the following night. My Dad’s happy place. His song, “Take Me Out To The Ballgame.” Our song.
World Series Game #1. I game I will remember forever. Miss you Mom and Dad.
Life’s Essential Questions
#8. Did you ever have to cut someone out of your life? What lesson is there within that decision to guide your loved ones in their relationships?
I thought I’d stick with the music theme to see if there are any life lessons I can pass on about relationships. Band breakups are abundant. Here are some of the historic ones.
The Beatles: John left the band. Rumors that Yoko was a major influence. Brian Epstein, their manager, died in 1967. There were fights about the future and Epstein’s replacement. Their song, “Let it Be.”
Van Halen: I read the book. The VH brothers never liked David Lee Roth. DLR’s persistence got him into VH. Once success hit, the brothers had no choice but to keep him. Once DLR got too famous and wanted to become a movie star, VH broke up. They kicked him out.
Fleetwood Mac: Oh boy. Stevie Nicks was a client at the business management firm. I was close with her Manager. I made the mistake of thinking it was funny to send Stevie and her Manager a box of See’s candy after their duel liposuction surgeries. Needless to say, Stevie wasn’t happy. The breakup lesson here is don’t sleep with your bandmates. Sonny and Cher. Captain and Tennille. Tony Orlando and Dawn. Wasn’t there (2) Dawns? Did Tony bang both Dawns? Their song, “2 Dawns are Better Than 1.”
“Oh, my music makes you dance. And gives your spirit to take a chance. And I wrote some rock 'n' roll, so you can move. Music fills your heart, well, that's a real fine place to start. It's from me, it's for you. It's from you, it's from me. It's a worldwide symphony.”
The music breakup list goes on and on. Pink Floyd. Journey. Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young. Styx. Queen. Simon and Garfunkel. The Police. There has to be a Netflix Doc on Best Band Breakups of all time. What are the lessons?
For one, I think there are similarities and differences to “work” breakups and “personal” breakups. Most band breakups seem to really blend both which makes them even more complex. The common formula is young desire + fame + money + sex and drugs + more fame and money + everyone around us kisses our ass so they don’t lose their money + egos + resentment = This band is going to break up. My simple reason for band breakups is a lack of “accountability.” If no one is holding you accountable, especially when you are young and impressionable, the likelihood of failure grows exponentially. A great leader holds people accountable and people respect and follow the leader. In many band lifecycles, accountability lessens with success. Advisors fall in love (or fall in desperation) with the fame and success. Follow the leader. If there is no clear leader, then accountability blows up and the band blows up. However, when you have a strong, successful leader like Mick Jagger (The Rolling Stones), Bono (U2), Pete Townsend (The Who), Bruce Springsteen (BS and The East Street Band) it has a better chance of working out. Strong leaders hold bandmates and employees accountable; in the right way.
The less people in the band, the easier it is. Like a duo, marriage, or a friendship. It’s never easy, but easier than having to keep 4+ people together. 2 people in the band is easier than 4. Each person has to hold the other accountable. Each person has to lead parts of the relationship while earning and giving respect to their bandmate for other parts. Mom responsibilities. Dad responsibilities. Couple responsibilities. No defined responsibilities + No accountability = No respect. Once you lose respect, the band is over. The relationship is over. Relationships are hard. They are two way streets. It takes time to define and agree on each other’s accountabilities. It takes time to earn respect. And it takes a life journey of commitment and work to keep it going. 2 way. Mutual. Collaborative. Communication. Commitment. Accountability. Sharing. Giving.
What about our friends? How do those relationships change and survive over time? Curtis Cooper was my high school friend. We were teammates on our varsity baseball team. He then dated my Ex - Girlfriend without telling me. He then poured a grape soda on my head, through the sunroof of my new Toyota Supra, while I was winking at my Ex, in the drive thru line at Naugles. Do you think I’m still haunted by that moment? It was only 43 years ago. Get over it Jeff. Curtis was only a kid an asshole.
At that point, our friendship was officially over. No turning back. No desire. But in most friendships it doesn’t end the Curtis Cooper Way. It’s either a gradual decline or a series of events that cause the ultimate breakup. I feel it still comes down to “responsibilities”, “accountabilities” and “respect.” What are the responsibilities in the relationship? Are you holding each other accountable? Have you lost respect? Are you willing to win it back? I tell my kids that the best friendships are the easiest. Why? Because you never have to question their responsibilities. They show up. They are generous with their time. They listen. They make it easy on you. You want to spend time with them. You desire to spend time with them. They are naturally accountable as a friend. They know what their responsibilities are to make your friendship work, and you respect them for it. The friendship develops into the mutual admiration society. Those are the best friendships and marriages. Those are the keepers.
“I write the songs that make the whole world sing. I write the songs of love and special things
I write the songs that make the young girls cry. I write the songs, I write the songs.”
What about relationships that feel too one way? Where you are making most the effort. You feel you are being the responsible friend, and they aren’t? You reach out to make plans. They cancel. You suggest the time and place. They complain. You’re positive. They’re negative. You’re easy. They’re difficult. You listen. They talk. They talk. They talk. One way. No longer the fun way. The relationship has either changed, or you finally recognize how the relationship has been all along. Then what? You either communicate and collaborate to win it back. Or you let it die.
I have seen a lot of people cut people out of their lives. Even family members. Parents. Brothers and Sisters. Aunts and Uncles. We have all seen the examples. My Mom raised me to embrace family no matter what. That’s how she lived. If you were family, then there was nothing you could do to not be in her life. I admired her loyalty. However, I learned as I got older that even if you are family, relationships are still built on responsibility, accountability, and respect. It doesn’t matter if they are family or not. What matters is developing the mutual admiration society. That’s the goal. There is nothing one - way about mutual admiration. One - way relationships never last. Sometimes we let them. Sometimes we fake them. But most the time they will fade and eventually die. Family or not. Sorry Mom.
If you value the relationship, you should invest in it. If you spend time and take care of your house, condo, or apartment it looks nice. It feels nice. It provides value. If you don’t take care of it, it looks like shit and decreases in value. Same with our relationships. If you don’t value the relationship, you can stop investing in it. You can let it run its course, and let it fade away. Or if you really don’t like the person, you can take a more extreme course of action and end it the Curtis Cooper Way.
“Purple Rain.”
“I am music (music), and I write the songs...”