Imagine

I went to a party Saturday night. Our good friend Sean just turned 60. Welcome to the club Sean. He doesn’t look 60. He looks like Steve Kerr (coach of the Warriors). Steve Kerr turns 60 on September 27. They both don’t look 60. Or maybe they look 60 and I don’t. I feel like I look older. People look younger with a full head of hair. It’s not fair. Sean has nice hair. Steve Kerr has nice hair. I don’t have nice hair. I’m not 100% sure what to do with my hair. Here’s a pic from the party. Let’s play guess who is Sean?

“Imagine there's no heaven. It's easy if you try. No hell below us. Above us, only sky. Imagine all the people. Livin' for today. Ah.”

Below is a picture of Steve Kerr or Sean. Guess who it is? FYI. Sean does have Warrior swag. So you may guess wrong.

Sean is married to Chris. Wendy, Chris and Sean went to UC Davis together. At the party, I knew 5 people. The 3 of them, and the O'Connell brothers, Matthew and Brennan. I don’t remember a party where I knew almost no one. Years ago Wendy and I were invited to a wedding where we knew no one. Table 19. Do you like going to parties where you don’t know anyone? My guess is most people don’t. Why? It’s not natural to be forced to meet new people. It’s not something we all do everyday. In fact, we rarely do it. Also, texting has replaced talking. Don’t get me started. I just got me started. Reid told me he was “talking” to a girl on a dating app. But he wasn’t talking, he was texting. When did kids start referring to texting as talking? It’s not like peeing or pissing. Those are the same. Kissing or smooching. Banging or F$%@ing. You get it. But not texting or talking. Those aren’t the same actions. I’m going to start a dating app where there is no texting. If you swipe each other then you have to call and talk. Wendy and I talked a lot before we had our first date. Texting is watering down our conversational muscles. People are forgetting how to have conversations. Try this. The next time you have a conversation, see how long you can look the person in the eye without gazing away. To his credit, Reid had to do this in high school. I think it was an exercise a teacher made the students do. I loved the teacher for making the kids practice talking to each other. It’s not easy. It’s uncomfortable. Especially these days. Connecting. Texting isn’t connecting. Or maybe it is.

Roommate Brag: I created the comic above. It’s a Jeff’s Blog original. My first comic strip. If you think it sucks, I understand. Keep in mind, it’s my first one. You have to start somewhere. If you like it, can you introduce me to the NY Times?

“Imagine there's no countries. It isn't hard to do. Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion, too. Imagine all the people. Livin' life in peace. You.”

We all like to stay in our comfort zones. We go to parties with our peeps. We dine with our peeps. The older we get, the less we seek out new peeps. And 60 is feeling old. Saturday night was new peep seeking for me. It was like speed dating for new peeps. Speed peeping. The unnatural part of speed peeping is having the actual conversation. Some of us just don’t love having to think about the words to say (or not say). With our peeps it’s subconscious. Words come out easy. The conversation is easy. However, when you meet someone new it takes more thought. More effort just to speak. When you are at a party, where you know no one, you are forced to make a lot of first impressions. Saturday night was a first impression night. I made 32 first impressions. After a couple of first impression talks, I got the sense that Chris and Sean’s peeps knew more about Wendy and me than we knew about them. It makes sense. Everyone knew about the fires. And it seemed like many knew we lost our home. Their first impression of me was half - baked (no pun intended). In a good way. I just had to not fuck it up. I think I did ok. I’m good at it. Sorry, I forgot to call Roommate Brag.

Actually, I thought the night was a bit of a breakthrough. There was a lot of “fire talk.” Many of my conversations went like this. They’d say, “So how do you know Chris and Sean?” I’d respond, “My wife and Chris used to be lovers until Wendy met me.” They would laugh awkwardly. I’d explain that Wendy and Chris were sorority sisters at UC Davis. She’s known Chris and Sean for 40 years and I’ve been along for the ride.

Then at some point in the conversation, they’d ask, “So where do you live?” I could say, “Hermosa Beach. What about you?” A pro conversationalist always asks a question after an answer. A shit conversationalist just keeps answering questions without asking any questions. Don’t be a shit. Especially when trying to make a good first impression. No ?’s + 1st Meeting = Shit 1st Impression. Make it about them. That’s usually my comfort zone.

“You may say I'm a dreamer. But I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one.”

So my question to myself is what do I say when they ask, “Where do you live?” Do I say, “Hermosa Beach, but I used to live in the Palisades.” Or just leave it as “Hermosa Beach” and just move on? I’ve found that it really depends on the person and how I feel. Even though I knew no one at the party, Chris did an amazing job introducing me to her friends. It was one of those situations where I felt I knew people that I didn’t. More often our introductions led into “fire talk.” I’d decided to say, “We live in Hermosa Beach now, but we lived in the Palisades for 27 years before the fires.” They’d say, “Oh. I’m so sorry.” Then I would crack a joke to try and make them feel more comfortable. I’d pretend to act dramatically and say something like, “Yeah, this is the first home I’ve been in since the fires. It’s really nice. It makes me think of a house that I once had.” More awkward laughs.

Once in a while, someone would say, “I can’t imagine…”. Not to be a dick, but everyone “can” imagine. Isn’t that what imagining is? Imagining is not real. You “can” imagine. But, you can’t turn the clock back. You can’t put water back in the reservoir. You can’t find my hole in one ball. But you “can” imagine. You may not want to imagine. But you “can” (if you want). I know the intent of the “I can’t imagine” comment is to communicate empathy. However, you still “can” imagine. I “can” be a dick. I know I “can.”

Ironically, the night ended with Chris and Sean surrounded by a handful of their late night friends sitting around the fire pit. Fire sit. We went around and shared our Rose of the night. Our best memories. Sean’s Rose was having a lifetime of friends all in one place; for one night. Chris’ Rose was having Sean as a husband. She gave him the tribute he deserved. The tribute for 30+ years together. When it was my turn I offered, “I really enjoyed my 2nd ice cream sandwich.” Too shallow? But they were homemade. Actually, one of my favorite memories of the night was pouring 25 tequila shots for Chris to pass out. And watching her force them on some of her friends that were well into Coke Zero mode. “Take a shot. Don’t be a wimp. It’s for Sean,” Chris pleaded. Thank you. Can I have another? It was a night of first impressions; conversations; fire talk; and memories. I left inspired, even though it was well after 1am. “Can I have another chocolate chip cookie with vanilla ice cream to go?”

“Imagine no possessions. I wonder if you can. No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man. Imagine all the people. Sharing all the world. You.”

The night before was a different type of conversation. Luke Markus is heading to Japan. He’s a pilot in the US Marine Corps. He’s the son of my fraternity brother Craig Markus who passed away 2 years ago. Luke and Dean are family. Anna, Luke’s girlfriend is family. So when Luke asked if he and Anna could sleep over the night before he left for his 6 month Japan assignment, we all gathered. Kingsdale. Broudy. Markus. Family.

We went to dinner. We toasted. We remembered. We had a different conversation. We listened. I listened. It’s not everyday you have dinner with a US Marine going off to Japan. Luke will be stationed near Hiroshima. We visited Hiroshima in 2019. I didn’t know what to say to him about his assignment, or Hiroshima. I think I said something like, “My kids loved the Ramen in the train station when we were there. Do you like Ramen?” You see how I added a question after my statement. Pro move. I know Luke didn’t want any of us to feel like it was a send off. He made a conscious (or sub - conscious) effort to make it easy on all of us to see him go. Especially Anna. He’s flying from LAX to Guam and then flying a fighter jet from Guam to Japan where he will be stationed for the next 6 months.

I can’t imagine.

“You may say I'm a dreamer. But I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one.”

Happy 30th Michael! A 30th birthday. That I can imagine. Nice hair.