Patience

Day 107: We are all moved into Myrtle. I mean we moved in the things we bought from 1/7 to 4/11 + Amazon deliveries daily from 4/11 to 4/24. Amazon really is amazing. You click on your phone and it shows up at your home, sometimes within hours. It made me think, “Is Amazon contributing to worldwide impatience?” “Click.” We need shampoo. “Knock, knock.” Shampoo is here. Whoops, shampoo was accidentally sent to 1057. No one there. “Click.” Change address. “Knock, knock.” Shampoo bottle number two shows up at Myrtle. Napkin holder. “Click.” Batteries. “Click.” Drawer dividers. “Click”. WTF are drawer dividers? I thought the drawers were the dividers? “Click.” “Click.” “Click.” We ate at Joey Manhattan’s with Julie and Bill last week and they ran out of burgers. No “Click.” No burgers. No joke. We all got impatient. We got pissed. Amazon doesn’t run out of anything.

We closed escrow on Myrtle 70 days after the fires. Was that because we were impatient and needed to buy something? Did Amazon condition us to buy Myrtle? Worldwide impatience. Instant gratification. “Click.” Buy Myrtle. Did we move too fast because of Jeff Bezos? Too late now, we are in. We own it. It’s ours. It’s fun. It’s sad. It’s amazing. It’s bewildering. It’s confusing. Pick your ___ing. “Click.”

One, two, one, two, three, four. Shed a tear 'cause I'm missin' you. I'm still alright to smile. Girl, I think about you everyday now. Was a time when I wasn't sure. But you set my mind at ease. There is no doubt you're in my heart now.

I have to admit, I was too impatient with our Landlord. After he returned our full Security Deposit this week, I had a letter already prepared which explained how he violated Penal Code 396. It’s the code that limits price (rent) increases after a natural disaster. When signed our lease The Landlord raised the rent on us and exceeded the limit. It pissed me off. But our house just burned down, so we signed the lease anyway. On Monday, I sent the letter. On Monday, 10 minutes after I sent the letter, the Landlord called me. When I saw his name pop up on my phone, it was exactly how you feel when a name pops up and you 100% don’t want to talk. I call it “S2VM.” S2VM when you don’t want the call. S2VM when your day hits a wall; S2VM I’ll just call you back; S2VM you’re a mother f’in whack.

Landlord and I have never spoken. Only text exchanges. Just how the young kids do it. He read my letter and I was expecting an earful about how wrong I am, and how he’s going to sue me and blah, blah, blah. S2VM? Nope. I answered his call. “Hi. this is Jeff.” I said confidently. Like I was preparing for what was coming. Instead, Landlord and I talked it out. He listened. I listened. We were patient with each other. He acknowledged my damages for rent increase violations. I acknowledged he may not have been aware of Penal Code 396. Patience. Mutual respect. He agreed to pay me the difference between the price increase that was allowed and what was not. I agreed to let him off the Penal Code 396 hook. We are now friends. I think. After I hung up, I actually felt bad that I “assumed” he was a bad person. I should have just called him at the beginning of our lease. I told him I didn’t call because he was busy and I’m just a tenant. I assumed no patience. But the real reason is I just didn’t feel like talking to him about it. I branded him as a bad Landlord because of the last minute rent hike. Maybe he didn’t know the law? Maybe he didn’t know what the broker said? Maybe? Maybe not? Maybe I was just impatient with my assessment? F’in Bezos again. “Click.”

Said, woman, take it slow. It'll work itself out fine. All we need is just a little patience
Said, sugar, make it slow. And we'll come together fine. All we need is just a little patience (Patience).

When you move into a new house after your old house burns down you push hard to make the new house your own. You yearn to feel at home again. You add pictures. You arrange your drawers the same way. Underwear on top, then socks, then tee shirts (if you have any). You arrange the Amazon shampoo the same way in the shower as before (fire). It’s different. But you try and make it the same. Or make some things the same. Old habit or grieving loss? You get it. The other thing you do is invite people over. Old friends. New house. “See everyone, we are doing ok. We are doing just fine. We are managing ‘burnt home syndrome.’ Check out the views.” See our new house everything looks amazing. Take a look around, and thanks for coming. See you next time. I’m being sarcastic. Kinda. We love our friends and we love spending time with them. Seeing friends in our new home felt weird. Them seeing us in our new home probably felt even weirder.

The hardest friend visit this week was Bill and Julie Holbrow. They dropped by this week before we went to the “we are out of burgers” dinner. They lived around the corner from 1057. We spent hours together on our patio. Watching Dodger games; sipping tequila; and talking about kids, golf, and life. It never got old. The Holbrow’s were our most prized 1057 neighbors. La familia. They also lost their home on 1/7, and this week they visited our new home on Myrtle for the first time. Julie walked around and complimented Wendy on her taste in making Myrtle her own. Bill walked around and tried hard to feel happy for us. But it’s impossible to not remember the old times and just think they will never be the same. Bill and Julie are moving back to the Palisades. They have their plans completed. “Click.” They are interviewing builders. “Click.” They will rebuild. I listened to their progress and also tried to feel happy for them. There was a moment during the Myrtle tour where Bill looked at me and said, “I’m happy for you.” We bro - hugged. I bro - teared up. There was a moment on our way to dinner where I told him, “I’m happy your plans are complete and your permit process is being fast - pathed.” I sighed. I wondered for a moment, were we too impatient with Myrtle? Is Bill too impatient with building? Maybe? Maybe not? F’ing Bezos.

I sit here on the stairs. 'Cause I'd rather be alone. If I can't have you right now, I'll wait, dear. Sometimes I get so tense. But I can't speed up the time. But you know, love. There's one more thing to consider.

Brandon and Victoria also joined us for dinner this week. They are getting married on May 10th. I get the honor of officiating their wedding. I wanted to have them over for dinner so we could spend some time together before their nuptials. I had never met Victoria. She’s awesome and boy was I relieved. I couldn’t imagine meeting her and then thinking, “Oh no. Brandon might be making a mistake.” What would I say while I’m marrying them? “Brandon do you take Victoria to be… Are you sure Brandon? Brandon what are you thinking? Brandon, there’s still time. Brandon be like Elaine from The Graduate and run. Run, Brandon run.” But no worries here. The night was great. Brandon and Victoria are meant to be married, and I look forward to marrying them. I’ll be thinking of Joe.

Brandon is Joe’s son. Brandon’s been my closest connection to Big Fucking Joe. Brandon’s been a lot of people’s closest connection. It’s not an easy role to play when you’re the oldest son. I spoke at Joe’s funeral. It’s where the Rabbi got impatient and cut me off. “Click.” And now I’m going to be marrying Joe’s son. Wow! The circle of life. Both are major honors in my life. I won’t be impatient. I can’t be impatient. I think of Joe often. Sunday was Easter and 4/20…

and it was also Joe’s birthday. Joe would have liked to 4/20 Snoop pic. On his birthday, Joe used to say, “Me and Hitler share the same birthday.” Dinner with Brandon and Victoria made me think a lot about Joe this week. It was a reminder of what Joe taught me while we worked together. And also what Joe taught me after he died.

My Joe Lessons (before)

Set goals: “A goal without a timeline is only a dream.”

Customers are key: “Without our customers, none of us get paid.”

Give back: “Let’s go build a house. Who’s with me?”

Tough love is still love: “Broudy, you suck.” This message took me awhile to embrace.

Everyone matters: Joe had a way to make everyone feel important. Everyone was part of Team Joe.

My Joe Lessons (after)

Be bold: After Joe died, I’d ask myself, “What would Joe do?” Joe was defiant. Joe has helped me make some difficult decisions even after he died.

Build a strong network: Joe “worked” on connecting people. Most of us don’t work on it. Building a strong network takes work. No one did it better than Joe.

Act instinctively: Many Joe stories involve doing something surprising. If it felt right, Joe did it. Trust your instincts. Most the time, they’re right.

Make the moments count: I just turned 60. I lost Joe. I lost Markus. I lost Sparky. I lost my parents. I lost 1057. All of these losses have heightened my appreciation of every day.

Missing is different than feeling: I miss Joe. However, I still feel his presence. Not because I hired the New Jersey medium person, but because Joe had such a deep impact that he feels present to me. If you make your legacy goals a desire to be felt, then you’ll act differently towards people. Joe’s actions, interactions, and overall being impacted people so profoundly that his presence is more than just missed. It is felt.

“Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Joe…”

Said, woman, take it slow. And things will be just fine. You and I'll just use a little patience. Said, sugar, take the time. 'Cause the lights are shinin' bright. You and I've got what it takes to make it. We won't fake it. I'll never break it. 'Cause I can't take it. Little patience. Need a little patience, yeah. Just a little patience, yeah

12 Essential Questions to Tell a Life Story:

#5. What enabled you to withstand and move on in the face of your greatest challenge? What advice can you offer your loved ones to guide them when they encounter real adversity?

Uh… This one seems relevant. Adversity is defined as difficulty and misfortune. Adversity levels span pretty wide throughout our lives. For me (and maybe for you), adversity levels grew exponentially as I got older. In pre-school adversity was not being allowed to order that 2nd scoop of chocolate chip. In high school, adversity was dropping a fly ball in the outfield and the local paper publishing a picture of my error. My buddy Scott St. John carried the newspaper in his car during our entire senior year. As I aged, adversity was being passed over for a promotion; or my business failing; or taking harsh criticism about my performance (in bed and out). In my 50’s, it was losing Joe, Markus and my parents. In 2025, it was losing 1057.

The Number #1 enabler to help withstand adversity is “gratitude.” What are you most grateful for? When I live in gratitude, my adversarial experiences become less permanent. They don’t tend to linger on and on. If I forget, or don’t recognize what I’m grateful for, then my adversity becomes my reality. Let’s dig deeper. I’m a lucky person. I have an amazing wife, Wendy. Two great kids, Julia and Reid. Loving sisters, in - laws, bro and sis in - laws and cousins galore. I have a group of fraternity brothers that I’ve known for over 40 years. I was able to work hard and build a career. I learned from others. I learned from my mistakes. I found business partners that believed in me, and I was able to start my own company and sell it 10 years later. I have my health. I have my memories. I’m excited for what’s ahead. Adversity what? No one is going to pull out the violins for me. Why should they? I am grateful. I am happy. I have all I ever dreamed of and will ever need.

I know what you are thinking. Not everyone sold their company Jeff. Not everyone is happy in their marriage Jeff. Not everyone has an extended family like you do Jeff. Not everyone’s day is unicorns and rainbows Jeff. Ok. I understand. But focus on what you do have. Focus on what you have accomplished. Set realistic goals for what you don’t have, and challenge yourself to get there. Pay gratitude for the “haves” versus sorrow for the “have nots.” Cherish one great friend. One co-worker. Love your parents, siblings and children if you have that luxury. Celebrate a victory. Relish a memory. Stay hopeful. Adversity causes angst. It’s normal. The real measure of adversity is how we respond. Do we let adversity linger? Or do we focus more on what we have, and celebrate our accomplishments. Finding gratitude when facing adversity is the best path forward.

Where your focus goes, your energy flows. Smiling changes our physiology. So do laughs. Smile more. Laugh more. And surround yourself with people who help you do both. Ditch the drama queens. Conquer adversity. I’m not saying to avoid or not deal with adversity. Shit happens. We all step in it. But are you going to just stand in shit, or are you going to change your shoes?

Some more patience. I've been walkin' the streets at night. Just tryin' to get it right (a little patience). It's hard to see with so many around. You know I don't like bein' stuck in the crowd (could use some patience). And the streets don't change, but maybe the names. I ain't got time for the game 'cause I need you (gotta have more patience).

My sister Jackie, Wendy and my kids helped me get through the death of my parents. Steph, Dave, Wendy, Luke, Dean, Debbie, Robby, Orli and Shalom all helped me get through the death of Markus. Ermi, Brian, River, Lowy, Rob, Brandon, and Blum helped me get through Joe. Wendy, Julia, Reid, and all the Peeps are helping me get through 1057. We are all helping each other. On any given day it takes a smile, a laugh, or a tear. On any give day, it takes a dose of gratitude. Daily gratitude. Withstanding and moving on from your greatest challenges starts with a step. Find something. Hang on to it. Don’t let it go and it will help you get through the day. It will help you get to tomorrow. And then the next day and then the next. Day by day. Week by week. Month by month. Yearly. And when you look back, you will see progress. You will feel progress. You will have withstood adversity.

The adversity we’ve faced from the loss of 1057 has been great. But we are getting through it and making progress because of the steps Wendy and I have taken. Steps taken hand and hand with the people we love. The people that have been by our side since 1/7. Without them, who knows? Without them, our progress slows. Thank you my family. Thank you my Peeps. Thank you everyone. You’ve all been so supportive, loving, and patient. Patient, when we needed you the most.

Yeah, yeah, but I need you. Oh, I need you (all it takes is patience). Oh, I need you (just a little patience). Oh, this time (is all you need)

Oh. I wanted to surprise Brandon and Victoria and get a cake in honor of Joe’s birthday on 4/20. An hour before they arrived, I realized I forgot to order the cake.

“Click.”