Somebody To Love

Day 114: I left on Thursday for a weekend wedding in Las Vegas. Laura and Derek are getting married. I’ve met the couple once or twice. Laura is my cousin Sheryl’s daughter. My cousin Sheryl is Cuzz Steve’s sister; Aunt Annette and Uncle Sandy’s daughter; Stan and Judi Broudy’s niece; Steve Cohen’s wife; Stacy Friedlander’s sister; Justin’s Aunt; and Mother of the Bride. Everybody is Somebody. Everybody is Somebody’s Somebody. Cheers to Laura and Derek. Cheers to love. Love Somebody.

“Can anybody find me somebody to love? Ooh, each morning I get up I die a little
Can barely stand on my feet. (Take a look at yourself) take a look in the mirror and cry (and cry). Lord, what you're doing to me? (Yeah, yeah). I have spent all my years in believing you. But I just can't get no relief, Lord. Somebody (somebody), ooh, somebody (somebody). Can anybody find me somebody to love?”

The wedding was Saturday night. Derek and Laura looked happy. Happy in love. Happy to have a Somebody. I arrived in Vegas on Thursday night because Cuzz Steve was hosting 25 of his closest Dead Heads in a suite to see The Dead and Company. It was a night in honor of Justin. In his memory. I’m not a Dead Head. I showed up because Cuzz invited me, and I’m a Justin Head. Everyone is. Especially, Thursday night. I never understood the Grateful Dead. I get the grateful part. I decided to embrace the night. I went all in. I dropped acid, molly, smoked a joint, wore tie die, and didn’t shower for 3 days prior to the concert. I felt like a Dead Head. Ready and dirty. I wondered if Dead Head’s influenced the creation of Head Shampoo? Remember that brand? When I was at Club Med with Gary Leshgold, just after college, we met this couple. The husband bragged, “I write jingles.” I sarcastically replied, “Like what?” He said very proudly, “Head Shampoo.” I sang, “Head Shampoo is easy. So clean and breezy, the natural thing to do. So if your head would rather have organic lather, then wash it off with Head Shampoo. That one?” He felt famous. I think I learned the Head Shampoo jingle from listening to KLOS and KMET in the day. Jim Ladd RIP.

Funny. I could recall the Head Shampoo jingle, but I only knew 2 out of the 22 Dead songs. Truckin’ and the other one I forgot the name. So maybe I really only knew one song. However, you don’t need to know the songs to make a concert memorable (it helps though). A few things really stood out. First, John Mayer’s watch. I couldn’t stop thinking about John Mayer’s watch. He stepped in for Jerry Garcia and brought some youth into an aging band (understatement of the blog). People love John Mayer. He’s young, good looking, great hair and an expensive looking watch. The only thing I knew about him is that he dumped Jennifer Aniston. You must be studly with an expensive watch to dump Jennifer Aniston. Why was I so focused on John Mayer’s watch? Honestly, it seemed out of place for The Dead. Dead Heads don’t have watches like that. They wear candy watches. Acid - laced, candy watches. Seems like a good product to sell at the show. “Watches. Get your acid - laced, candy watches here.”

“Yeah. I work hard (he works hard) every day of my life. I work 'til I ache my bones
At the end (at the end of the day). I take home my hard-earned pay (goes home)
All on my own (goes home on his own).”

The bassist, Oteil, didn’t even wear shoes, let alone an expensive watch. Oteil relates to his fans. Smelly fans. Smelly feet. That’s what The Dead’s about. Right? One guy has no shoes. The other guy has a very expensive watch. I was wearing my Apple Watch on 1/7. My expensive Movado watch was destroyed in our not so safe, fire proof safe. Maybe that’s why I was so focused on John’s watch? No shoes “Minimalist” Nice watch, “Show Off.” Apple Watch, minimal. Movado, show off. I never wore my Movado, but I know it burned. I don’t consider myself a show off, but I like nice things. My Tesla Model X is a whole different blog. Show off.

No shirt. No shoes. No dice. Name that movie. Otiel is the man. No watch.

The next night was a pre- wedding event hosted by my Aunt Annette and Cuzz Stacey. It was at Dave and Busters (minimalist). Not Nobu (show off). I love Nobu. It was a nice pre -wedding event. It was nice to hang with my Aunt, Uncle and Cousins. My Aunt Annette is reading this. She’s the closest connection I have to my Dad. She was a great sister and she’s been an amazing Aunt. She’s my Aunt Somebody. Our Aunt Somebody. I wanted to be there for her. The night before I was a Justin and Cuzz Head. Tonight, I’m an Aunt Annette Head. The Grandma of the Bride. I’m here to make her smile. If she’s smiling, I’m smiling.

“I get down (down) on my knees (knees). And I start to pray (praise the Lord)
'Til the tears run down from my eyes. Lord, somebody (somebody), ooh, somebody
(Please) can anybody find me somebody to love?”

I spent most the night with my cousins Sari, John, Glenn and Mindy. When you truly love your cousins it makes for a fun time. A fun life. Wendy and I share a love for Cousins. We are a couple of Cousin Heads. Cuzz Heads. Peep Heads. Our cousin Glenn enjoys getting into deep conversations. He proactively likes to “catch up.” I respect that about him. He’s not a Surface Head. He’s an In- Depth Head. We talked about blogging, religion, and downsizing. Glenn and Mindy are selling their 2,000+ square foot home and building a 1,000 square foot ADU (Accessory Dwelling Unit). They are downsizing. They want to minimize their life during the twilight years. They are doing the opposite of Myrtle. Wendy and I just moved into 4,188 square feet. We didn’t bring much to Myrtle, but Myrtle is larger than 1057. There are more stairs. There are more floors. There is more upkeep. We are supersizing the fries and the diet coke. No Happy Meal for us. No right or wrong answers. No judgements. Just observations of life. Decisions. Wants and needs. Glenn and I caught up. Am I showing off my 4,188 square feet? I ponder.

Hmmmm. Because our house burned down, do Wendy and I feel the need for more? The "Grand Rebound.” Would we be thinking differently if 1/7 never happened? Duh. Do we feel we “deserve” Myrtle because of our loss of 1057? I’m entitled to bigger because we lost “our better.” Or maybe bigger is better? Maybe Myrtle is our Somebody that Wendy and I just need right now. Something that is just helping us get through this. Does that properly explain our rationale? Do we even need to explain our rationale? To some, entitlement is a valid reason for the Myrtle purchase. We just wanted Myrtle. To others, our decision is justifiably out of focus. Fuzzy clarity, I’ll call it. We lost 1057 and our decision making glasses got burned. Along with my Movado.

“He works hard. Every day (every day), I try and I try and I try. But everybody wants to put me down. They say I'm going crazy. They say I got a lot of water in my brain. I got no common sense. (He's got) I got nobody left to believe in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.”

Here’s the top floor of our 4,188 square foot decision. Show off? That’s what friends are for. That’s what parents with wants and needs are for. Myrtle with a view. Maximize. Legitimize. Live. Be Somebody’s Somebody. However and whenever you can.

12 Essential Questions to Tell a Life Story:

6. What does it mean to be a good person?

Are you “Somebody’s, Somebody”? They don’t have to be a spouse. They don’t have to be a lover. Not even a parent, brother or sister. Maybe, just an old friend. If you are Somebody’s, Somebody then you are a good person (to them). They view you differently. They treat you differently. They love you differently. You have worked hard to develop a Somebody. Does being a good person to one person make you a good person to all? Not necessarily, but it’s a great start. I find if you are a good person to one or two, then your good becomes contagious. You can become a good person to more and more and more and more. But you have to start with one. You have to start somewhere.

“(Ooh, Lord). Ooh, somebody, ooh (somebody). Anybody find me somebody to love?
(Can anybody find me someone to love).”

However, the good person bar may not always be at the level where you think it is. Especially, during difficult times. The good person bar changes as life happens. It changes based on what your Somebody (s) expects of you. What your Somebody expects you to say (or not say). Your definition of “good” may not be good enough. I see this all the time. I have felt this a lot, and have learned the hard way. Sometimes we don’t necessarily know what to say or do. Our lives are busy. We have not been in their shoes. We don’t know how they “really” feel so we project our belief system onto theirs. We are good sometimes. But may not be good all the time. Being good is a journey. Being good is a work in progress. A “good” in progress. That’s ok. Just “recognize” it. Work on it. Talk about it. Talk to your “Somebody” about your “goodness.” Am I being good enough for you? How can I be better? Working on being a good person is and important part of being a good person.

Being good is about them, not about you. This weekend I was a Justin Head, an Aunt Annette Head, and a Cousin Head. I tried my best to be a Dead Head, but that was a stretch. They were all my Somebody’s. I wanted to see them. Feel them. Experience them. Be present with them. I recognized the importance of their special weekend. I consciously worked at being a good person. I wasn’t perfect. At times, probably average. But I did think about being present for them. As they did for me. I felt it. I hope they did also.

So what does it mean (to me) to be a good person?

1. Focus being good to your Somebody (s). Start with one.

2. Be outward thinking and outward giving.

3. Make being a good person a journey. It’s not a one-time event.

4. Check in with your Somebody (s). Get their feedback. Measure and adjust accordingly.

5. You can feel when you are being a good person, and so can your Somebody (s).

Sometimes being a good person to Somebody shifts from person to person. In November, I tried to focus my good on Cuzz Steve and Monica because of their loss of Justin. Then, January 7th happened. I shifted my good to Wendy, Julia, and Reid. This weekend it shifted back to Cuzz Steve and my Aunt Annette. I knew this weekend was not going to be easy on Cuzz; and it was also a life event for my Aunt, Uncle, and Sheryl and Steve (parents of the bride). They all became my Somebody. When I got home, I reread a piece that my Cuzz had sent me when I first started blogging. He wrote:

“I have a friend in prison. We’ve been in touch as much as we can- letters, phone calls, video visits. He’s doing 18-36 months. It’s kinda of a mind fuck to make the sentences indeterminate like that, but that’s the system. Overall, he’s doing as well as he can. But the winter has been harder and he’s had some times/moments of struggle. I told him I would trade places with him in a second if it brought back Justin. (Same goes for my house/neighborhood—I’d gladly trade stuff for life- who wouldn’t? ). So in answer to my friend’s struggles, I suggested to him that at least he had an end-date. Yeah, it might be more months than he’d like, but he will get out. My struggle has no end date. My sentence is life without parole. There is no commutation, no pardon. No court of higher appeal. That feels like a long time.”

“Got no feel, I got no rhythm. I just keep losing my beat (you just keep losing and losing). I'm okay, I'm alright (he's alright, he's alright). I ain't gonna face no defeat (yeah, yeah). I just gotta get out of this prison cell. (One day) someday I'm gonna be free, Lord.”

Cuzzz is a good person. He’s a good person to his friend in prison (I’ll do anything except time). He’s a good person to Monica, and Monica to him. They are each other’s Somebody. It’s obvious. It’s felt. But Cuzz’s other Somebody is gone. He can no longer check in. He can no longer continue on his good journey for Justin. At least not in the same way. Thursday night became a different way of checking in.

Thursday night was dedicated to Justin. In memory of Justin. Cuzz has seen the Grateful Dead 77 times with Jerry Garcia and over 15 times without. Last year he got to share his love of The Grateful Dead (and The Sphere) with Justin. Things can change a lot in a year. You don’t have to tell me twice. We all learned on Thursday that Justin’s favorite Grateful Dead song is '“Althea” from the album “Go To Heaven.”

Find me somebody to love (find me, find). Find me somebody to love, love, love (ooh, find me, find me). Find me somebody to love (somebody to love). Find me somebody to love (ooh). Somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody. (Find me somebody to love).

WOW! That’s too much. Cuzz’s lifelong fellow Dead Head is his childhood friend, Seth. Cuzz has seen the Dead more with Seth than anyone else. Thursday night was not just another fellow Dead Head notch for them. Thursday night was for Justin. I had not seen Seth in awhile. Seth made it a point to seek me out. He texted Wendy and I earlier that day about 1057. He knew we’d see each other that night. When we met in the suite, Seth purposely (outwardly) displayed his “good”. Seth made sure of it. He recognized it. Seth is a good person. He’s Somebody.

But the real Somebody for Seth that night was Cuzz. Seth made sure (for Cuzz) that Justin was present. Justin was with us. Seth and Jenni planned ahead. They prepped the suite in Justin’s honor. Justin’s memory was front and center as we all entered the suite and The Dead and Company opened with “I Need a Miracle.”

Don’t we all?

“Ooh (find me somebody to love). Find me, find me, find me somebody to love
Anybody, anywhere (find me).”