Under Pressure
December 25, 2025: Merry Christmas! Brad Luff’s funeral was last Wednesday. It was emotional. Duh. My fraternity brother died and Brad was my Best Man’s childhood best friend. How could it not be emotional? Immediately after the funeral I was on a plane to Las Vegas with 3 other fraternity brothers to play golf and eat chicken parm. We are in a Chicken Parm Club (CPC). Some people find chicken parm disgusting. I find it beautiful and delicious.
The CPC is another way to get together and enjoy life. At 61, I think about as many ways as possible to have fun. You can’t put a price on fun. Especially, after my 61 year old fraternity brother dies. 300 298 months left. So here I am in Vegas, playing golf, eating chick parm, and thinking about David Kingsdale, my Best Man. He’s at home probably thinking about Brad. Dave gave an amazing eulogy. And in my experience, post eulogy time is a relief and very emotional. My emotions during the days after the funeral were sorrow for Dave and Brad’s family, and either anger, delight or euphoria depending on my golf score; the Rams’ score; eating chicken parm; or watching Goldy sing a duet with the one and only Mr. Fake Sinatra.
“Mmm num ba de. Dum bum ba be. Doo buh dum ba beh beh. Pressure: pushing down on me. Pressing down on you, no man ask for. Under pressure that burns a building down. Splits a family in two. Puts people on streets.”
That’s not AI. That’s Mr. Fake Sinatra. He fell in love with Goldy and our Chicken Parm Club. I’m convinced he would have paid a high membership fee to join. Euphoria. The next day I left on a family trip with Wendy, Julia, Reid and Michael (Julia’s boyfriend). More emotions. Mostly filled with gratitude that the kids still want to travel with me and Wendy. Probably because it’s free. But also because we still love being together. I think. On the ride to the hotel Julia was feeling excited, so she decided to replace the driver’s passenger IPad homepage with a selfie. He had no idea. That was confirmed because the selfie was still there on the ride back to the airport. Does anyone know how to change an IPad’s home screen picture? Julia does.
Today, I am thinking about what a difference a week makes. What a difference I have experienced emotionally. The thing is I don’t think anyone I have been around noticed my range of emotions. Mostly, because of how I show them (or don’t show them). How do we really show our emotions? We laugh. We cry. We are quiet. We talk fast. We complain. We stare. We hug. We sweat. We jump. We high five. We sleep. I guess we show them in many different ways. But do we really notice? Do we notice the emotional signs in others? Especially our Peeps.
“Um ba ba be. Um ba ba be. De day da. Ee day da. That’s OK. That’s the terror of knowing. What this world is about. Watching some good friends screaming,“Let me out!”
We tend to cast the emotional blanket on each other. Specifically, “You are so emotional.” Or, “You never show any emotions.” Do you know someone who you categorize as “emotional” or “emotionless”? I’m sure we all do. But the fact of the matter is we are all emotional, we just show our emotions differently. Since last week, I’ve been thinking about emotions a lot. Here is a short list I came up with. I have felt a lot of these feelings lately.
Happiness and Joy
Anxiety
Anger
Sadness
Love and Affection
Guilt
Frustration
Surprise
Shame
Disgust
Empathy
Well, maybe not all of them, but some more than others. Whatever emotion was hitting me at any given time, I don’t think the people I have been around really noticed any difference in me. I cried at Brad’s funeral when his daughter, Isabella spoke. I laughed a lot in Vegas, especially when Goldy and Mr. Fake Sinatra were singing. And our family trip has been full of love and affection. However, my physicality or the way I express my emotions have been pretty par for the course. Oh, I wish I had more pars on the course. Does that make me less emotional than others? Do we categorize people by how they physically express their emotions or by the breadth and depth of their emotional state? Or all of the above?
“Tomorrow gets me higher. Pressure on people, people on streets. Day day de mm hm. Da da da ba ba. OK. Chippin’ around, kick my brains ‘round the floor. These are the days: it never rains but it pours.”
My takeaway is that I feel we all have a certain “Emotional Elasticity.” I made up the term. Emotional Elasticity is the breadth and depth of our emotional range. Dave showed emotions during his eulogy. But if you didn’t know Dave well, you would have missed it. He didn’t cry. He didn’t raise his voice. But he showed his emotions through his words and his cadence. His emotions were subtle, but present. On the other hand, Isabella cried during her dad’s eulogy. Which made me cry. Which made many of us cry. One might conclude that Dave’s emotional elasticity is lower than Isabella’s. The point I am trying to make is at times we really don’t know each other’s emotional state. I knew Dave was hurting. I knew Isabella was hurting. Their emotional elasticity appeared different because Dave did not show his emotions physically and Isabella did. They are grieving differently, but they are both grieving.
I have gone through life not really understanding how people show emotions; what emotions they are feeling; and improperly categorizing people as emotional or emotionless. “It’s not that simple,” says Mr. Emotion Potion. Just rub it on and see what emotions come out. I wish I had some Emotion Potion at different times of my life. For different people in my life. I’m not a professional psychologist or psychiatrist or any ‘ist. But I know I have categorized people as being too emotional. Usually when they are showing emotions like anxiety or fear. Are they really more emotional than someone who’s always happy? Is Miss Sappy more emotional than Mr. Happy? Does the label of “being emotional” really matter? From my experience, it does. Especially in business and early in relationships. That’s when people are misunderstood and the consequences are greater. In a business, people who show their emotions are labeled. Especially, when they bring personal matters into the workplace. In relationships, the earlier we are in the relationship, the less we know the other person. So any emotional state gets magnified. We label people quickly. And emotional elasticity is a typical labeling measure. Sometimes incorrectly and unfairly.
Men have been raised to hide their negative emotions. Suppress them. I saw my Dad cry once or twice in my life. My sister was in a bad car accident. I was with him when we arrived at the hospital. It overwhelmed him emotionally. I did see him get angry more than once. Overall, he was a happy man. I would categorize his emotional elasticity as relatively low. But maybe I misclassified him? Maybe I appear less emotional because of my misclassification of my Dad. I’ve seen the movie “A Star Is Born” at least 5 times. The new version with Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga. I cried (again) watching it on the plane yesterday. The same scene when he brings her onstage for the first time always gets me. I thought Reid saw me cry, and my first instinct was embarrassment. I didn’t want my son to see me cry over Lady Gaga. WTF?
“Ee do ba be. Ee da ba ba ba. Um bo bo. Be lap. People on streets. Ee da de da de. People on streets. Ee da de da de da de da. It’s the terror of knowing. What this world is about. Watching some good friends screaming “Let me out!”
Emotional stereotypes are ingrained in us. If men cry, they appear weak. If women cry, they are too emotional. If men show too much public affection they are pussy - whipped. If women do, they are doormats. If men crack too many jokes and laugh a lot, they are not serious. If a woman is a joker, she’s not feminine. Maybe you haven’t seen all of these stereotypes play out, but I have. Take it from a crying, affectionate, joker. On my golf trip, I asked my fraternity buddies, “What’s been your lowest point in your life?” It’s always a fun dinner conversation. A change of topics from sports and our recent and upcoming golf matches. Mine was when Reid was around 2 and I had to borrow money from my In-Laws to avoid filing for bankruptcy. For the other guys, one was about money/career and the other two were about relationships. It was an emotional conversation. No one dared cry in front of each other. However, those stories triggered emotions, and opening up about what happened was not 100% comfortable for any of us. I forgot to put “vulnerable” on the list of emotions. Typically, men don’t opt -in to being vulnerable with each other. Quit the opposite.
“Tomorrow gets me higher, higher, high! Pressure on people, people on streets. Turned away from it all like a blind man. Sat on a fence, but it don’t work. Keep coming up with love, but it’s so slashed and torn. Why, why, why!? Love, love, love, love, love Insanity laughs under pressure. We’re breaking.”
What triggered the emotional topic is twofold. First, over the last 2 weeks I have experienced a wide range of emotions due to everything that has gone on. And like I said, I don’t think anyone really noticed. If I didn’t write about it, no one would really know how I’ve been feeling. It’s not their fault. It’s who I am. I am an emotional person that would be classified as someone with low emotional elasticity. This made me very aware that I do this to others. I need want to be more aware of my Peep’s emotional state, and better understand their emotional elasticity. Labeling is not fair. Not checking in or asking is also not right. At first it may not be easy. But I want to create a safe space for people to express their true feelings. Their true emotions. That’s the space I want to create.
“Can’t we give ourselves one more chance? Why can’t we give love that one more chance? Why can’t we give love, give love, give love, give love, give love, give love, give love, give love, give love?
‘Cause love’s such an old-fashioned word. And love dares you to care for the people on the edge of the night. And love dares you to change our way of caring about ourselves. This is our last dance. This is our last dance. This is ourselves.”
As importantly, I have come to the conclusion that hiding your emotions is not healthy. Whether we do it consciously or subconsciously it doesn’t matter. Hiding your emotions is hiding your life. Hiding how you really feel. It’s the air in a balloon. At some point the balloon is going to pop. Hidden Emotions = Stress = Health Issues. My fraternity brothers Joe, Craig, and Brad are gone. All 3 had stress in their lives. Some of which were probably hidden. You don’t have to tell the world, but you have to tell someone. People need a safe space to share. Showing your emotions and sharing your feelings are not “weak” or “too emotional.” It’s human. And showing and sharing just may save your life. Pop the balloon to release the “pressure.” Don’t live…
“…Under pressure. Under pressure. Pressure.”
Couldn't agree more. The way you articulate the interplay between profound sorrow and the deliberate pursuit of joy is incredibly insightful. It's a testament to the human spirit's resilience in procesing complex emotions, a truly smart observation.