What You Need
December 4, 2025: Last month of the year. January seems like a long time ago and just like yesterday all at the same time. A lot has changed and a lot has stayed the same. Mostly change though. I opened the mail today. You know what hasn’t changed? I received my annual Palisades Alarm Permit Renewal. The City charges an annual fee to maintain an alarm or something. I really don’t know what it is. Just some annoying annual fee. Just like last year and the year before. The only difference is that for this year’s renewal, I don’t have an alarm system anymore. I don’t have any brush clearance requirements. I don’t have a house you dopes. Don’t you think they could have at least identified the houses that burned down and saved the stamps? When I opened the envelope I was annoyed. As I am writing this, I am trying to find something funny to say. Something like, maybe tomorrow the city will send me a discount coupon for painting my address on the curb. Or maybe an application to add another recycle trash bin. Or maybe where to send the mailman their Christmas gift this year. Actually, Mailman Mike was nice. Mike, if you are reading this, thanks for not leaving my mail at 1057 this year. My mail box be hot. Very hot. On second thought, I may still need an alarm so no one steals my BBQ.
“Hey, here is the story. Forget about the troubles in life. Don’t you know, it’s not easy
When you gotta walk upon that line.”
It’s been 11 months since the fires. Approximately 6,500 structures were completely destroyed. It covered about 24,000 acres. That would have cooked a lot of the 50,000,000 turkeys eaten last week. That Turkey Trot would’ve been a hot one. So far there have been about 200-300 permits issued to rebuild. That’s about 4% a year. At this rate it is going to take 25 years to rebuild the Palisades. I know, we got a slow start. The fires happened and then it was the Super Bowl. Then Valentine’s Day. Then March Madness. We have to keep living. We can’t let a fire get in the way of life. Of progress. In any given month this year, there were about 200 vacant lots for sale. Probably around that many or a little more have been sold. So the conclusion is there is gridlock. Many aren’t building. Many aren’t selling. Many are still waiting patiently for their annual alarm permits. Why?
First, let me first speak for myself. We aren’t building. We aren’t selling. But we did receive our annual alarm permit. Why? We aren’t building because we decided to use the insurance money to buy. We already built a new home on our lot in 2010. Hard to believe it was 15 years ago. So the thought of building a new home wasn’t a need for us. Also, emotionally we just want more time to decide. We have decided to play the wait and see game. Wait and see progress. Wait and see prices. Wait and see what other people are doing. No rush for us. We are lucky that way. USAA helped us get into Myrtle. So we can wait and see. I have friends who have already framed their new homes. They will be moving back next year. I have friends who have already sold their land and are moving out of the Palisades. I have friends that are also playing wait and see. Why? Because everyone is different. Different insurance companies. Different wants. Different needs.
“That’s why. You need. Oooo, that’s why. This is what you need. I’ll give you what you need.”
Years ago I attended a Tony Robbins seminar. I remember he spoke about the 6 Human Needs. This resonated with me. It started with a discussion about “Why do we do the things we do?” Like rebuilding or playing wait and see. What is it that drives our decisions, our actions, and emotional responses to what we want out of life? He suggests the answers come from The 6 Human Needs. Not water, food or air. Human Needs are different. Understanding them can help us better understand why we do what we do. Understanding them can help us make better decisions; achieve our goals and aspirations; and avoid common pitfalls along the way.
Here are the 6 Human Needs:
Certainty: Assurance you can avoid pain and gain pleasure.
Uncertainty: The need for the unknown, change, new stimuli.
Significance: Feeling unique, important, special or needed.
Connection: A strong feeling of closeness or union with someone or something.
Growth: An expansion of capacity, capability or understanding.
Contribution: A sense of service and focus on helping others.
I’m not a therapist, psychologist or any type of “ist.” Well maybe a Tequillaist. Is an Enthusiast considered an ‘ist? My long winded point is I’m not going to be writing about how the brain works or doesn’t work. I just want to point out my observations and experiences. You can take it or leave it. But I do find value in thinking about which of the 6 Human Needs I value most. And it has helped me better understand family, friends, co-workers, alarm permit providers, and others. Some needs are stronger than others. There is no clear pattern because we are all different. For me, Certainty, Connection, and Contribution (my 3 C’s) rise above. How do I know? Because I know I don’t like too much Uncertainty. At times I enjoy feeling Significant, however I know I get more joy out of Contribution than Significance. And although I do feel and need for Growth is important to be successful, I feel that my need for Connection has led to my Growth. My 3 C’s are the Needs I need.
“Oooohh. Don’t you get sad and lonely. You need a change from what you do all day.
Ain’t no sense in all your crying. Pick it up and throw it into shape. Ooo yeah. That’s why you need. Oooo, that’s why. This is what you need. I’ll give you what you need.”
Let’s analyze the 6 Human Needs as they relate to the fires. Since the fires is how Jeff’s Blog all started. Initially, I felt fear and uncertainty. Our home burned down. We lost everything. What are we going to do? How are Wendy and the kids going to deal with this? What should I do next? What should I not do? It was a period of Uncertainty that made me very uncomfortable. Looking back, my need for Certainty drove a lot of my decisions. First, we need a place to live. We signed a 6 month lease. 6 months of Certainty. Over the next 60 days, it became clear that the Uncertainty of the Palisades rebuild (progress and process) led me to the need to replace 1057. I needed Certainty in home ownership. My Human Need for Certainty drove to purchase Myrtle. Also, my need for Connection (with Wendy, Julia and Reid) helped to make a hard decision much easier. Our union and our alignment led us to Myrtle. I’m not saying I was thinking about my Human Needs as we dealt with the fires. I’m saying that Human Needs are engrained in who we are. They subconsciously power our decisions. Understanding them and making them more conscious, helps our decision making. It’s a framework to better understand who we are and where we’ve come from. Looking back, our decisions make sense. They aligned with my needs for Certainty, Connection, and Contribution.
Have you ever been in a negotiation and you just aren’t getting anywhere. “They are so stubborn.” “All they care about is themselves.” “No matter what I say, they just aren’t hearing me.” We’ve all been there. One reason for the lack of progress is that we aren’t addressing “their” Human Needs. If you are negotiating with someone who needs to feel Significant, you are better off making them feel that way. You have a better chance of getting what you want. When both people need to feel Significant and neither one cares, often the deal won’t get done. My need for Connection, Certainty and Growth trumps my need for Significance. This has helped me in negotiations. What if the other person’s need is Growth? Especially, if you are a parent or boss. What happens if everything you do stunts their Growth? You don’t give them space to grow. You don’t encourage them to take risks. You speak negatively when they are sharing small wins. You just aren’t recognizing their needs. On the other hand, what if you understand their need for Growth. You might buy them a book. You speak words of encouragement to help them continue their journey. You support their journey. You win. They win. Win/Win.
“This is what you need. I’ll give you what you need. This is what you need. Give you what you need. I’ll give you what you need. Oooh, yeah.”
I have a business partner. I’ll call him Brian. Two of his Human Needs that seem to show up most are Significance and Uncertainty. Since mine are the 3 C’s we sometimes had a difficult time understanding each other. I wanted things very Certain. He wanted to still feel Significant even though I was the CEO. Our basic Human Needs led to conflict. He wasn’t CEO, but he needed to feel like his voice and contributions mattered. Initially, it bothered me. I mean I was the CEO, not him. I was the “official” leader of our company. Why did he want to make me feel it was him? Over time I learned that is not actually how he wanted me to feel. He just wanted to not lose his Significance. Especially after he helped build our company. Once I recognized his Human Need, I fed him. Not food. Even though I did that too. I fed him responsibility. I fed him leadership and mentor assignments. I fed him stories about how his contributions enabled our success and how they will fuel our growth. He felt Significant. I felt in control. We argued less. Win. Win. Win.
Which of the Human Needs do you value the most? Are you getting them from your work? Your relationships? Your choices? Try this. Find someone. Identify which of the Human Needs rock their boat and then turn their motor on. If they seek Significance, make them feel important. Or more important. If they thrive on Uncertainty, plan something spontaneous. If their Human Need is Connection, then be present and make time specifically for them. Explore ways to provide Human Needs to others and see how they respond. The bottom line is we all act a certain way because of who we are. How we were raised. How we’ve been treated by friends and foes. By becoming more aware of your Human Needs (and others) your decisions will become more intentional, and your relationships will improve.
“Hey you, won’t you listen? This is not the end of it all. Don’t you see there is a rhythm? I’ll take you where you. Really need to be. “Hey, what you need. What you need, give it up, give it all, give it all.
“Jeff, you make it sound so easy. It’s not. I deal with some really difficult people. You can’t just identify their Human Need and abracadabra the relationship is fixed.” Ok. You may be right. But can it hurt to try? It sounds like what you have been trying so far hasn’t been working. Find their needs. I guarantee they care about 1-3 of the 6 Human Needs more than the others. Feed their Need.
“Yeah, I’ll take you I’ll take you where you wanna be. Yeah, take you.” I wanna be on aisle 6 with Certainty, Connection, Contribution and The Captain. Ok. I’m up to 4 C’s.