Ice Cream Man
May 8: When I am blogging it is the voice in my head that is talking to me. The same voice in my head that I try and convince is not really me. But when I’m blogging, it really is 100% me, because that’s the voice that is writing. If that makes any sense. It’s confusing at times. Some weeks I sit down and that voice says, “You don’t have anything worthwhile to say.” But then, I reply, “Just write something. Anything. Even if it sucks, who cares?” Take your f’ing ego out of your blogging and just keep going and see what comes out. This is definitely one of those weeks. I have no idea what to blog about. Maybe I’ll just blog about having nothing to blog about? I’ll see how that feels. So far it feels like shit. Maybe this will help. Mas Tequila. By the way. One of my favorite sipping tequila’s is Jose Cuervo’s De La Familia Reserva - Extra Anejo. It’s muy bueno and I like blogging about it. It’s my friend on the left.
“Dedicate one to the ladies...Now summertime's here babe, need somethin' to keep you cool. Ah, now summertime's here babe, need somethin' to keep you cool
Better look out now though, Dave's got somethin' for you. Tell ya what it is”
It’s been 1/3 a of a year since 1057 burned down. I’m good with fractions. I’m officially settling into post - 1057. If that’s even possible. When I see friends I haven’t seen in awhile, or strangers that learn about 1057, there is still a fairly high level of curiosity. Seems normal because most people don’t know someone whose house burned down. I know too many. I had a nice breakfast with Gary Pearl this week. My brother in law’s brother. He was genuinely curious about how we are doing, and what our plans for 1057 will be. I have no issues talking about it. Especially since Gary treated for breakfast. I’ll do anything for a good breakfast burrito. Our visit was nice. It helped me think through our new normal. Let’s see? 35 lots have sold; 22 are in escrow; 170 lots are on the market; and the land value is selling for $320 per square foot. My prediction is more and more lots will go on the market as owners struggle with insurance companies, school decisions, building and material costs, environmental issues, and overall fire PTSD. 4 months in and there does not seem to be any streamlined options to building back the Palisades. Everyone I know that has decided to rebuild are going through their own individual journeys. Handling their own debris removal (I’m still dragging my feet). Getting their own quotes to rebuild. Digging up their old plans. The city is trying to help with expedited permitting, but that’s about it. “We will help get your plans approved, you do the rest.” Everybody clap your hands.
I’m checking in with myself. Check. I am in no hurry to clear our debris. Check. I am in no hurry to start to rebuild. I am in no hurry to sell 1057. I am in no hurry. Check. Patience (prior blog). I’m learning from myself. I miss 1057. But I’m in no hurry to make any big decisions. We are the lucky ones. Especially, because of all our friends and family. Our friend Ellen November created this 1057 quilt. I teared up. The photo probably doesn’t do it justice. Ellen is talented. She can quilt you a house.
“I'm your ice cream man, stop me when I'm passin' by. Oh my, my, I'm your ice cream man, stop me when I'm passin' by. See now all my flavors are guaranteed to satisfy
Hold on a second baby.”
This week we seemed somewhat normal. Check. We went on a vacation with our friends David and Stephanie Kingsdale to Cabo. Dave and I met in 1982 at ZBT fraternity. We were pledge brothers. We were each other’s best man. Best men. Check. We got married within a month or so of each another. We are both celebrating our 30th wedding anniversaries this year.
Wendy and Stephanie decided to stay in it for the long haul. Check. The Kingsdale kids are Noah and Nathalie (Mi Familia). Reid and Nathalie both went to UT together. They did the same thing in Austin that Dave and I did 40 years ago in Westwood. Wendy and Steph are BFF’s. Check. Check. Check. Stephanie recently lost her Dad, Big Dave Leveton. I always loved Dave Leveton. He was an easy man to love. He felt like family. Always. He texted me on my 60th birthday on November 5th. His final goodbye. Check.
Our Cabo trip was a planned “loss” trip. “Here’s to Big Dave.” “Here’s to 1057.” Here’s to what’s most important in our lives and what is proven to make people happy. Deep personal friendships. It doesn’t get much deeper for me than The Kingsdales. Check.
“I got puddin' pie, banana dixie cups. All flavors and pushups too. I'm your ice cream man baby, stop me when I'm passin' by. See now all my flavors are guaranteed to satisfy Hold on, one more.”
On our last night, we had dinner at Mozza in Cabo. We stayed in the East Cape. I highly recommend it. Delicious. Beautiful setting right on the marina. There was a couple sitting across from us. Probably 15 to 20 years younger. They were arguing from the moment we sat down. We were laughing. They were arguing. We were eating. They were arguing. We were toasting our last night in Cabo. They were arguing. We were eavesdropping (Dave was mostly). They were for sure arguing. We started to joke about their arguing. “He’s going to push her off the boat on the way home.” “That’s no Happy Meal on Table #3.” “Waiter, can you send that couple a marriage counselor and put it on our bill.” It’s kinda fun to make fun of people you don’t know. Maybe a little mean. But fun. I actually read that good friends often make fun of each other, and it’s good for the relationship.
“Raise your glass and toast making fun of other people’s private public arguments.”
Hmmm. My kids make fun of me. Recently, they have been joking about my selective hearing. They have been calling me “Deaf Dad.” My selective hearing is becoming more and more selective. I also noticed that they don’t laugh at my jokes anymore. They just say, “Ok Dad (joke).” I know they think my jokes are funny, but they just won’t validate my humor with a laugh. Maybe, I’ve made them immune to great humor? Sorry. It’ been too many years of funny, so they just wail on me. “Reid, did you get those jeans at New Navy or Old?” Wail. “Julia, is ‘Free’ still your favorite price?” Wail. Maybe I deserve it. When I read that article about friends making fun of each other, it made me think about my family. And how we all make fun of each other. It’s good for our relationship. Right? Builds character. The article says it’s healthy. Does that mean I am a good Dad? Maybe. Check.
“Well I'm usually passin' by just about eleven o'clock. Uh huh, I never stop. I'm usually passin' by just around eleven o'clock. And if you let cool you one time, you'll be my regular stop. All right boys!. I got puddin' pie, banana dixie cups. All flavors and pushups too.”
I was cruising LinkedIn and I saw this post about Shaquille O Neal and his Stepdad:
Shaquille O'Neal said, “My stepdad was a sergeant in the army—a serious, strong man of character. We had an excellent relationship. I once played at Madison Square Garden against the New York Knicks in my first season in the NBA. I had a terrible game. Afterward, he called me and asked why I played so badly. He wondered if it was the pressure of facing Patrick Ewing and the Knicks. I told him I felt pressure. He said, ‘Tomorrow, I want you home at 7:00 AM. Pick me up—we're going to see a family that has no home.’ On the way, we encountered a family in need. My Stepdad stopped, gave them money for their next meal, and said, ‘That’s pressure. You have everything; you’re weak. There’s no pressure in playing basketball and earning millions of dollars. Real pressure is felt by those who don’t know when or where their next meal will come from.’ He told me to get out and help that family. After that, I never felt pressure in a basketball game again because that family had real pressure.”
Shaq’s Stepdad seemed to be way harder on Shaq than I have been with my kids. Is that good or bad? Tough love is still love. Was Mr. Menendez too hard? I sometimes wonder if I should have been harder on my kids. I don’t think I was really capable of being a hard ass parent. It’s just not in my DNA. I think you parent how you are. You instinctively learn from your parents what to do, and more importantly, what not to do. It all gets passed down from generation to generation. I’m a hugger not a fighter. I’ve always been that way. Mostly, because of my Mom. My Papa Max was more like Shaq’s Stepdad to my Dad. My Dad learned and was not that hard on me. My Papa lived through the depression. That seems depressing. No Cabo trips for you Papa. Whaaaaay. Max was tough on my Dad. It’s what he knew. Not a lot of Dad Papa Jokes. Did it matter? How did it impact me? My Dad’s love for me was showing me how to work hard. Although, my Dad never took me to a family that had no home, he taught me differently. He showed me by working hard you can relieve your own pressure, and then use that gift to help others. That was the gift from my Dad. Check. What am I passing down as gifts to my kids? Not a lot of laughs these days, but hopefully something.
“I'm your ice cream man, stop me when I'm passin' by. See now all my flavors are guaranteed to satisfy, yes. I'm your ice cream man, stop me when I'm passin' by. I'm your ice cream man, stop me when I'm passin' by. They say all my flavors are guaranteed to satisfy Ah one time
Life’s Essential Questions
#10: What are your top 5 sayings that encapsulate the accrued wisdom of your life experience?
“Hard work pays off.” My Dad taught me this. He walked the walk. I’ve tried different ways to teach my kids that hard work pays off. I admit. Maybe not always the right way. Better to show than tell. Life is a competition in many ways. The harder you work the better chance you have of winning. Even on your own team. Not everyone can be a starter. Not everyone will earn that promotion or that raise. Usually the people that work the hardest end up winning. I know you are saying, but what about “Work smarter, not harder?” To work smart, you have to work hard to figure out what smart is. Just Do It! Just Work Hard!
“You can’t put a price on fun.” My Mom taught me this. Everyone has heard the expression, “Money doesn’t buy happiness.” No. Money alone might not make you happy. But amazing experiences will. Fun feeds on itself. Be fun. Spend on fun. Make fun happen. Spend time and money with people that are fun. It’s priceless. It’s also effortless. It’s what Cabo was this week. Proven. When fun is in your future, choose it if at all possible. Just make it happen. One Thanksgiving during college I was asked to drive 3 fraternity brothers to the airport for their Hawaii vacation. I was going up North with my family for Thanksgiving. Or was supposed to. Instead, I parked my car and got on the plane with them. Didn’t even pack a toothbrush. Turns out Hawaii is an easy trip to manage with no luggage. Fun. Check. Memories. Check. Payment plan. Ouch.
“Living is giving.” I love surprising people with gifts. It’s so fulfilling to give. It’s life. It’s real. It’s not just about money. It’s giving your time; your attentiveness; your love and affection. Small gifts add up. Surprise gifts are remembered. You are a gift. Give yourself to others. Think giving first and you will live.
“Listen to your heart. It will tell you what to do.” Tom Petty taught me this. The most important decision in your life will be who you choose to love and how to show your love. Be selective. Choose wisely. Learn from others. Learn from mistakes. But listen to your heart and go with your gut. Then commit, and go all in. Why the hell not? 30 years and still going. Even though my hearing is going, I can still hear my heart. It’s beating as hard or harder than it did 30 years ago. Check.
R.I.P. T.P. Thank you.
“Who wants dessert? I’m buying.” This might be the #1 saying that encapsulates my life. When I buy dessert: I am with people I want to be with; I’ve worked hard to create those relationships; I’m having fun; I’m giving; and dessert is my metaphor for a fulfilling life. It may not be the healthiest metaphor, but I love a good chocolate dipped cone. Come on? Life doesn’t get much better than a chocolate dip with family and friends. If you are not smiling while eating dessert, just go to bed. Goodnight.
Check!
I'm your ice cream man, stop me when I'm passin' by. They say all my flavors are guaranteed to satisfy. Especially chocolate.